With great power comes great responsibility

 When life was sheer willpower hanging by two or three threads her faithful offspring answered with affection, he said "there were many generous people who could do the duty, perform the responsibility he had sworn ardent answering commitment to."

He had found the easiest solution: leave all responsibility to any outsider, who could be their savior but also, making it a scapegoat situation.

Responsibility

Spiderman, Spiderman

Does whatever a spider can

Spins a web, any size

Catches thieves just like flies

Look out!

Here comes the Spiderman

Is he strong?

Listen, bud

He's got radioactive blood

Can he swing from a thread?

Take a look overhead

Hey, there!

There goes the Spiderman

In the chill of night

At the scene of a crime

Like a streak of light

He arrives just in time!

Spiderman, Spiderman

Friendly neighborhood Spiderman

Wealth and fame?

He's ignored

Action is his reward

Look out!

Here comes the Spiderman

Spiderman, Spiderman

Friendly neighborhood Spiderman

Wealth and fame?

He's ignored

Action is his reward

Look out!

Here comes the Spiderman

In the chill of night

At the scene of a crime

Like a streak of light

He arrives just in time!

Spiderman, Spiderman

Does whatever a spider can

Spins a web, any size

Catches thieves just like flies

Look out!

Here comes the Spiderman

Spiderman, Spiderman

Friendly neighborhood Spiderman

Wealth and fame?

He's ignored

Action is his reward

Look out!

Here comes the Spiderman

"The cause of all the miseries we have in the world is that men foolishly think pleasure to be the ideal to strive for. After a time man finds that it is not happiness, but knowledge, towards which he is going, and that both pleasure and pain are great teachers, and that he learns as much from evil as from good." ~ Swami Vivekananda.

As the storm was building and she could visualize a forlorn life. Down the way, she could see even birds don't sing. The mindless boy often prancing and dancing and how she toiled in life's game but never shirked her duty. The honest strife, living frugally, bringing him up with all responsibility.

She didn't hide her feelings, her face showed that it was blameworthy neglect of duty. Sometimes situations are such that she is about to make a date with a heart attack but then the thought of the shining star she had brought to this world with great difficulty made her think of her suffering and she takes her firm decision to be with her for all eternity.

 For the love of adventure and entertainment being faithless and supercilious abandoning the sense of duty will risk and spell out shameful death to those, he was duty-bound.

She thought "You've obviously lost your mind if you don't remember your duty" but didn't utter any words… sitting tight-lipped. She was thoughtful but careful not to speak out, after a while, glanced heavenwards. She felt he was leaving them on chance.

Life is like a roulette, a game of chance, granted once. We could have been born as animals and since we have been granted a human life, we should enjoy every moment of our lives.

Her mind added, well, the truth of the matter is,  it is pointless to waste my energy on indignation. 

For better or for worse. It's a dreary advent ...

We don't have to be filthy rich to help the needy.

A gifted daughter, truly ill-starred, left overwhelmed with ailments. The ennui of her aloneness, being penniless, and hungry, without a roof over her head after her father perished...broken life but she didn't moan but bore the sword that could pierce anyone but people were never comfortable about her feats and tried to bring her down.

The complexity of their existence, the trials of maladies forced them to struggle to live.

The will to live is an unstoppable thing. Most people live only when they are about to die. 

They realize

Life is a game of chance; 

Granted once; 

Temporary stay wagered To expire, I thus learn; 

Entering the reality makes you stand In a tricky, dangerous position, Whence, you are at a point of no return.

She thought "Didn't I do my duty for the very sensible man?"

The mother thought I pray night and day "I'll do something for the ailing daughter and as a mother; it's my duty and responsibility. She is dependent on me."

 This will never arise in his head. Light and dark. Hope and despair. Laughter and sadness. Trust and loneliness...that's life.

I am growing old and frail but I am bold nevertheless enough to endure and produce a new self. What if my hair is turning grey? I have nobly faced a horrid war, I have the power still.

"No one has ever become poor by giving"~ Anne Frank. We are never too poor or too small to give a piece of ourselves. We want a house, a car, then even better dwelling place or vehicle so that people stare at it and praise our achievement. But that's not really a gain or success because humans have a natural desire to have more good things than he needs. Holding back a small kindness or thinking oneself superior will not lead us to glory. You can also be self-indulgent, thinking that you want to be superior and turn yourself into a snooty and megalomaniac. In our life-struggle, if you wish to help someone, never think twice because overthinking is the biggest problem. Think positively. If you wish to do good work, do not trouble to think what the result will be but don't gloat or try to look like an egomaniac, dimwit Johnny Bravo instead trying to be Winnie the Pooh who has a positive outlook towards life or quick-witted bugs bunny using the presence of mind to get out of any situation is a better option. A simple act of care can brighten a life because hope and help are synonymous.

In order for them to survive and prosper, developing a capacity for responsibility and commitment is crucial. Without that, the relationship provides only temporary satisfaction.

It's not an onerous duty in regard to the tragedy which happened in the past in his absence. A duty done is always quietly done for the family and those that act bad and live wrong have to suffer.

The wind is singing under the starry sky, under the light of a million stars shows the many scars, few to be feeled, few to be felt.

We must encourage everyone in their struggle and not betray caring for her in the real sense, fortify spirits, make sure the passion burns like a fire; ensure there are no tear-soaked pillows or sad dreams.

"My daughter is my happiness and my pride". She is always sparkling with glee who chose to be a warrior princess, in her honest strife, winning life.

She lives with self-respect, aware that days are bitter and sweet, there are sun and shine, we both live for victory 

"Life studded with battles unfurl,

In the gloom of doom, dancing the reality;

She sprints the impalpable impasse,

Harking the secret dirge, alas!

Life is so precious!

She fought on!”

Tick-tock, tick-tock - says the clock

 

No merriment, no jokes, no laughter, no playful ways, nor any happy silliness. I had no life-long friends and learned how to face death or bereavement. "You can choose your friends but not your family"...but this thought didn't happen to be true for me.

Life is full of challenges, not for all but a few deformed who have not been allowed to bloom. 

For some life is full of screams, throat getting narrow and swollen, almost strangled. Stifling hopelessness with a tempest building inside. Some enjoy good health. I resuscitate ceaselessly because I am a Warrior Princess being perennially optimistic.

God granted me the calmness to accept things that I cannot change, I dare to change the things I can and have the wisdom to know the difference.

I still dare to change the things I can,

I resuscitate ceaselessly,

I wage wars with verve

In a point of no return

Yes, a Warrior Princess I am.

Pain and hurt are a necessary part of life. I suffered so much but I still felt I had things to live for. I am somehow more alive than other people, and the world, fate or destiny, whatever it was, has some plans for me and my mother who's physical energy alone to be my caregiver and everything has kept me alive. 

We were together shenanigans to trick Death to throw a noose when we reached a crossroads when something happened out of the blue to change the course of life's events.

After being partially blind, due to the awesome, rare brain tumors floating in the CSF, my heart didn't sink, I didn't feel dazed. Even if I was told that I have a few months to live. 

LMD- similar to leptomeningeal hemangioblastomas

Precisely because people are different from others that they're able to create their independent selves ...I am me and no one can compare themselves with me. You'll never find the likes of me because I am unique.

Life is what you make it. Interpreting life can be done very easily than living intensely. To admire the brightly shining Sun agleam with power to nurture nature, the sparkling clear sky or a rainbow after the rumble of a storm fills me with ecstatic joy of the enchanting world.

Time passes regularly tick-tock, tick-tock - says the clock in the stillness...one more year is added to my life. Time is speeding up in everybody's life.

 The mind is always vibrantly alive crammed with facts, dates, and information. The mind remembers everything, forgets nothing. But in our day-to-day lives, in our rabbit run we are not mindful of the fact, forget it, ignore it or think it's a long time away.

I have lived for the moment, guided my mind, only by impulse and motivation.

Death does stalk us all but you can confuse him for some time by a few methods.

By rekindling your passion, by doing at least one worthwhile thing. By urging your mind to be passionate about life and what you believe in and channel the energies and enthusiasms into things that we care

about and not crush yourselves to a boring existence.

My whole life stands before my eyes like a simmering picture and I can discern the faces who descended from heaven to escort me in my difficult times then they flap their wings like the tooth fairy and fly away.

When someone else, even distant relatives, our neighbors or landlords, are suffering, people seem to care little for the person. 

"O' let her die, good riddance" is the standard of mentality that has dulled life and is the ever-moving drama of society which fashionably made our society rot. Well, people are outrageous, but it all seems to have more to do with mood, whim, and atmosphere than carefully thought-out arguments.

In human beings jealousy ranks distinctly as a weakness; a trade-mark of small minds; a property of all small minds, yet a property which even the smallest is ashamed of; and when accused of its possession will lyingly deny it and resent the accusation as an insult.

Only when you are coping with a somewhat death sentence. You shall try to live a self-indulgent life before realizing that this does not fulfill the meaning of existence.

Warmth, kindness, cheerful encouragement is the spirit of life.

If you sink into depression and listlessness. Modern antidepressants, which can benefit people in temporary grief in reaction to life events, or suffering from internal, chronic depression are there.

They may make you look cheerful but watching Tv, cooking, going to different places does it make you internally happy? 

Pretty strong things in life, depressions, withered hopes but still in poverty I am lucky to have my own pluck. Don't cackle, my mind dances with fun.

I am not immoderately slothful yet I vex very easily.

I got a flash of understanding that both optimism and desperation can control the exploding pain.

You can get happiness, the day you learn to face life, control your mind...then only you find delight and ecstasy even in stabbing pain.

When the tongue suffers from jabbing pain and there is discomfort in swallowing pills, coax and cajole your mind and think up some ways to swallow them albeit with difficulty because no one is going to ask about your problems. They are busy with their own business even those distant relatives don't give a damn about you.

Mind and brain are two different things and it's my first-hand experience.

I am perpetually stimulated. My mind never hesitates. I have opened the doors and windows of my mind and let every detail in and keep it to spruce up from the foulness. Rather than moving heavily and clumsily with a weary and defeatist attitude, my mind feels a joyous excitement with positive power, never being frustrated. Fear or flatter, lightning or thunder, the mind remains calm.

Mother's kindness, love acts as a restorative.

Life with its many dark sides, in all its beauty, grandeur, and magnificence is too short.

It's unusual how lightly people speak about the future as if they can hold it in their hands with the power to push it further off or bring it nearer. 

God is modest but he's not punishious.

I thank God every day and pray earnestly to keep me from worse health and improve my condition and thank him for making me what I am.

An appeal to Golf links residency dwellers

 I had a liver transplant owing to several tumors in the liver which could not be taken out individually causing excruciating pain due to frequent hemorrhages in 2008. The largest lesion caused splaying of the portal vein around the lesion. Hepatic veins were compressed and displaced by the segment 4&8 mass lesion. I had two episodes of bleeding and in the last one asked the doctor to get euthanasia done. Bleeding in the hemangioblastomas required hospitalization and was excruciatingly painful.

I was diagnosed with a rare disease von Hippel-Lindau or VHL . It is a genetic form of cancer VHL patients battle a series of tumors throughout their life. VHL may occur in up to 10 organs of the body also there is a possibility of neuroendocrine tumors.

I had a cyberknife six months after which I was diagnosed with leptomeningeal hemangioblastomas.

Next I had a radiation therapy for my optic nerve tumour and a RCC. I was diagnosed at the same time. 

I have a rare disease HypoPara

Leptomeningeal hemangioblastomas ...between 1902 and 2013, approximately 132 cases were reported...Ga-DOTANOC PET-CT based SSTR imaging because VHL syndrome associated hemangioblastomas frequently express SSTR confirmed the true nature could be seen and the diagnosis. 

I had 2 surgeries here in this flat by Dr Arvinder Singh Soin in 2016 end of the year

But we never asked for help. We are staying here since 2016.

Then after the radiation therapy 2017 I developed chronic ischemic brain and bilateral trigeminal neuralgia followed. 

I get stabbing pain because 

I got a cyberknife of the right side of the bilateral trigeminal neuralgia. From HCG Cancer Institute Colaba Bombay, because Delhi doctors wanted a biopsy of the multiple tumors and it isn't required because it will cause meningitis, blood loss thereby cell-spillage. ( According to Dr. Ishita sen of FMRI)

Now I have a swallowing problem and my tongue doesn't move properly. My voice has changed and from March 18/2020 till now I have lost over 10 kgs.

My immunosuppressants have been converted from capsules to oral solutions for which I have to pay extra. My food has to be nutritious yet liquid or puree variety so that I can eat something. Till I get my next stereotactic surgery I have to depend on a lot of other medicines.

Helping thy neighbor is helping those in need even if they don't live next door.

This is my plea to consider my struggle and my multiple rare diseases. Consider the society charge in this all-engulfing pandemic where my brother is jobless and considering my medicines and treatment donate little in the fundraiser. 

https://milaap.org/fundraisers/support-payel-bhattacharya-1?utm_source=whatsapp&utm_medium=fundraisers-footer

Payel Bhattacharya

Flat 502

Block D2A

Purpose of life

 

Sometimes I wonder what's the purpose of life after all the suffering I endured since my birth? Mum makes me realize I am chosen for this journey and I should survive and bring it to completion.

To the imagination of the child, granny-tyranny seemed to look like a glaring powerfully built buzzard ready to pounce on me telling me 

“You're looking alright so why do I pretend to be unwell?” 

No one could discern my inner state. It wasn't just a fabrication of the imagination of a child but it's true that all uncaring, heartless, cruel creatures of my orthodox family hardly realized my pain. 

 I was so troubled and uneasy by their remarks that when guests came, I used to enter the drawing-room by the back door to avoid those cold-hard piercing eyes which seemed to take in every detail at a glance and sneer at me. 

Since birth, all I can see is struggle even before I came to the planet.

My mother is a different being altogether.

As she got pregnant, She was subjected to cruelty and ruthlessness by aunt and granny-tyranny. They used to make my mother do heavy jobs while she was carrying her first child and she had a miscarriage.

 When I was in her womb she was again subjected to heavy jobs in the kitchen. Mother had developed certain problems with her pregnancy. She worked too hard to bring me into the earth. She cares for me like no one. She used to play with me.

It was never fun for me growing up. It's quite true people say "Prosperity gains friends, adversity tries them". I never had a friend and because no one would like to socialize or go out with a limping girl.

After my brain tumor surgery, I was diagnosed with tumors compressing and displacing hepatic veins, hemorrhaging inside so that I needed a liver transplant and my relatives thought of not giving money because they have sold the portion of the property allotted to us to the South Indian Singer Didi, not even the money in the bank and the jewelry according to the will because they wanted to swat me out of their way.

 The friends and relatives who used to drop in at odd times often to enjoy, especially the one whom father took to Manali for some refreshment went their own way. Few became busy with finding a groom, others just avoided.

Fie, I say! They only knew money.

In an escalating crisis, divine intervention gave me a new lease of life through a liver transplant but turned off my reliable troops, my immune system so that the organ isn't rejected.

The pharmaceutical marvel made my already bankrupted father take loans as his family denied paying the assets he deserved. His heart was 80% blocked, and he skipped his medicines to provide mine. 

One day he had a heart attack while lying down and thinking and

passed away immediately without any struggle.

He didn't get a proper cremation or funeral rites, I believe he died with the wish of saving his daughter and is somewhere around me saving me from the risky surgeries time and again.

Since then we have changed seven rented houses. Landlords look good enough in the beginning but then they show their true colors because money has its charisma. No matter how much they say we pray for you but money tempts.

Mum never gave up on her child even when I went through surgeries upon surgeries, she arranged everything herself, ran to an apothecary or an NGO to get help. Sometimes the doctor said, "Everything is in God's hands".

With her, I have been worthy, cheerful, good-natured, and sociable and had many adventures, all in our imagination which desired constant improvement. She soothed and sweetened my painful life.

After being partially blind, due to the awesome, rare brain tumors floating in the CSF, my heart didn't sink, I didn't feel dazed. Even if I was told that I have a few months to live. 

When her child is suffering and struggling to stay alive...mother-daughter shared our experiences with the wonderful doctors we met, and the bad doctors but didn't treat their words like Gospels. In my journey of research the role of social media, the internet, helped and Mum assumed the role of caregiver, and I did my self-advocacy. A doctor and a journalist bullied me. But after completing their medical degrees do they plunge into the world of unique diseases, keep themselves updated, keep track of all those maladies?

I keep myself well-informed so that I don't fall into the wrong hands. I love learning and gaining knowledge which brought in understanding, comprehension, a better grasp of my bizarre diseases, not to be afraid of death or lead an unlived life like a zombie.  Because in the end we only regret the chances we didn't take. Live life to the fullest and try bringing color to my life. I feel alive, not just breathing.

 I carried on my normal activities. I wrote books, alas someone stole one of my intellectual property while I wrote it in the peak of stabbing, stubborn pain and it is a serious matter.

Your brain will literally change in chemical composition when you understand the monstrosity and the oddity of your disgraceful lingering illness. It has larger economic implications unless you are filthy rich. When in poverty, you face medical embarrassments, the humiliation of asking for financial help, physical suffering, money concerns but you mustn't feel fear and tedium of dying. Treasure every moment because life is too short and if anyone comments medical care has become an impossible burden, do some exploring and show them a picture of their “Standard of living.” They ought to raise their "Standard of giving".

I am a survivor, I lost my faith, belief in whom to believe in.

I never sought sympathy, I still seek recognition… tangible trail left after I am gone. I pity them who provide me with sympathy like recently an English teacher said " O, I have sympathy for the 'girl'...Nobody called me 'the girl' before.  Sympathy is feeling sorrowful, pitiful about somebody's misfortune whereas Empathy is the ability to understand their feelings as if we were having that ourselves, facing the troubles ourselves. 

Do I cry, do I end my life for this? I have suicide disease and many suicides have happened pretty recently. But I respect life.

Although I wrote the book at the peak of my pain with one-eyed vision and the rarest brain tumors in the world...leptomeningeal hemangioblastomas ...between 1902 and 2013, approximately 132 cases were reported...Ga-DOTANOC PET-CT based SSTR imaging because VHL syndrome associated hemangioblastomas frequently express SSTR confirmed the true nature could be seen and the diagnosis. 

Initially, I was delighted to receive an email,

 "I have been running the institute in Noida and Indirapuram for last 10 years...By profession, i m a teacher and have taught English language in renowned Institutes of saharanpur and dehradun...I m also a certified IELTS  trainer from British Council..My qualification is M.A Eng, M.A economics, B.Ed and Diploma in creative writing .

Regards

Mrs.Monika Thakur

CMC2, 702,Supertech, Capetown, sector 74,Noida

9718805105"----- Although the English in the email wasn't up to the mark of a teacher I was cheered.

The best way to cheer yourself up is to cheer someone else up. I thought she was a kind woman before she showed her true colors and it hurt me so much.

Later she said she's taken the printable pdf and circulating and selling it to his students without me giving it. She never even bought the book from me and is now profiting from it.

She's selling it through Google and Google won't remove or won't do anything about it.

This is how I am stuck in bureaucracy. I never enjoyed a good life.

Like my relatives, they have forgotten that the purpose of human life is to show compassion and the will to help others. We are healthy only to the extent that our ideas are humane.

Do your little bit of goodness, it's those little bits put together with kindness that brings out the Sun.

The center of gravity of my life is my mother who tried everything to keep me moving and still in the morning in her prayers cries because only she can feel my pain. My pain in swallowing, pain in talking vanishes. She feeds me puree of nutritious food but I have lost 10 kg in a few months.

Pleasures and indulgences of life aren't everything. Humans have a natural desire to have more good things than he needs. Understanding my views on life, I tried establishing friendly relations with three people but they blocked me on WhatsApp! Because death like a candle snuffer will extinguish the light of my life soon if I don't get proper treatment.

I always try to ignore the disagreeable moods of people I encounter. There will be more pain, agony, more torture if we remember how we were thrust into extreme poverty and we were penniless and had no idea if we would get food the next day.

“Someday we will die, but on all other days we will not!” We must enjoy life, every moment of it. Death will put an end to everything but facing several life-threatening surgeries, especially the liver transplant made my spirit wake up and lead a life resisting death knowing each moment might be the last ….and never brooding about my plight. It is true that as one hovers between life and death, life becomes increasingly tiresome but if you are cheerful and never down-hearted it helps the doctors too.

Live life to the fullest. Shedding futile tears, and wiping them, shucking away those pointless thoughts without any dilemma I have delved inside life to get to its treasure trove. It’s now that I can understand the value of human life and can feel the consequences of those moments that she had lost groaning which will never come back. No matter how much we wish to go back and relive an event or a happy moment or eradicate a sad moment that is never going to happen. So, live at this moment, don’t lose it. This time, this season will never be back.

Death stalks all of us upon this planet! Nevertheless, had it not been for the confusion of the struggle I would have been circumscribed by short boundaries of my pain and suffering squealing with fright.

Courage is being brave when facing new or difficult circumstances, such as Trigeminal neuralgia.

Like every other lady Everywhere there is a glimmer of hope. Hand-holding fantasies are not there in my life, words to uplift, encourage, strengthen, and inspire are in the dreamland. Thinking about mountains that reach to the sky, cities with a home where you don't have to pay rent, no need for a landlord, but when you realize why you are fighting multiple rare diseases you don't compare yourself to anyone whom you knew because you heal sooner.

What is the purpose of life, the meaning of life is empathy---the ability to share and understand another person's feelings. Compassion is empathy for and desire to help another.

What will happen if we choose to ignore others who need help? There will be peril in the world world, helping others to those who need without any discrimination makes people believe there is goodness in the world.

What happens when life starts throwing the unknown daggers at you? Your goodness or your parents' deeds save you.

This is the pain but I am a mermaid without tears. You can't assume me spineless in the first place, I dare to speak because I have nothing to lose.  I want my tangible trace to exist after I am gone.

 There's really a good chance of getting old with silver hairs if my venerable disease gets an opportunity for good treatment, my potentials are realized.

So I enjoy every moment of life because little birds sing on the leafy branches, warm bright sunshine light-up the cloudless sky and I love my life with my wonderful mum.

I stood on the mountaintop and spoke to a few birds flying high to teach me flying… I will fly highest and beat all, I was born to fly high, take in the pure air of the mountains amongst the mists.

Filled with wonder remembering my late father on his birthday

My father was a simple-minded peace-loving charitable person unworldly enough to trust salt for sugar.

He presented himself to anybody’s service without thinking twice about himself.

He was born with a silver spoon in his mouth and before grandpa was taken ill and he had a lavish lifestyle.

He accepted his fate when after Grandpa's illness he lost his power, but he always dressed well until his dying day. Even when his clothes were worn out, he ironed them well so that they looked good and shined his shoes himself. He was a punctual man and was never late for anything. It is because of him that I have developed the habit of sleeping on neatly ironed fresh linen and until my Mum properly tucks me inside the covers, I don't get any sleep.

He cared for me so much that he celebrated his birthday by buying me an expensive book.

Few diseases of the present have little in common with the diseases of the past because of their rarity but like an owl, you have to pore over abstruse medical documents and make it your pastime with a great penchant for general science with an interest in medicine.

When you are bombarded with heavy-duty medical words of a mysterious sickness as your diagnosis by medical men who claim to possess full knowledge of those things don't become trifle too dreamy and treat their words as Gospels.

I think of the overwhelming despair of the medical practitioner roaring,

“You come and sit in my chair; let me go sit in your chair.”

Their impossibly bumptious opinionated ego deflates showing all the indications of superiority. He has earned his degree through remarkably well medical training going through the rigors of medical school, how can an inferior creature ask him questions?

This peculiar outbreak of blind rage and reprisal I faced in the unfunny days of my first brain tumor.

I spoke with authority because it was my body he would work upon and if he doesn't do a very careful job with his scalpel with full knowledge of what he was about to do then my fragile life bird would have flown away. I had the full right to know what was to be done to me.

After completing their medical degrees do they plunge into the world of unique diseases, keep themselves updated, keep track of all those maladies?

For my brain tumor, my father was under extreme mental pressure. He worried that if according to the doctors, I turn comatose, who will care for me after him...within a month of my brain surgery he had a massive heart attack. It happened when people were around him and they admitted him to a renowned hospital in Kolkata. When I was informed about the incident, I visited the hospital with my mother, and my brother was informed about the shocking news. It was a very cold January day and my head was entirely shaven, thus I covered up my bald head, and dragging my feet I went to the hospital.

Before he was put into ventilation for 9 long days he told my brother "take care of Didi".  He was so concerned about me then.

Like a bolt from the blue within four months of my brain surgery and three months of my father’s massive cardiac arrest, a doctor suddenly declared that my liver needs an urgent liver transplant. My father was retired and after all the health woes he was penniless by then. He had no means to get the transplant done.

He turned to his mother for help, to give him his inheritance so that he could save his daughter's life. She turned her back, weeping crocodile tears and telling him that she would ask her youngest son about it. My father’s jaw dropped. He was the eldest and the most dutiful son and had blind obedience towards the family and now his mother was turning her back on him!

Here my life with fairy tale parents turned into a noir story. 

When my father asked for his inheritance, the dragon uncle said that he had none because his portion was sold out to the South Indian singer celebrity who was our tenant. They denied even the money of my Grandfather and the jewelry.

I was feeling blue and bluer by the minute that all this was happening over the issue of my life. Baba foregoes his bypass surgery and with 80% of his heart blocked he ran here and there to arrange my liver transplant at Gangaram the second time because the first time we ran short of money and had to return. 

We were still short of funds and I had an acute attack of pain again. I needed a liver transplant to stop the intense pain caused by those tumors which were hemorrhaging inside my belly. The magnitude of pain was so high that I was advised to use fentanyl patches. The pain seemed to stop my heart and I had labored breathing. I used the patches almost every day and when the pain got beyond a certain threshold and it knew no bounds, I had to be put in the emergency room. Once when we still didn’t have enough money for the liver transplant, and I was in the emergency room for my intense pain and doctors were worried if the tumors have burst spreading blood in my intestines, I begged the doctor for euthanasia (mercy killing).

Our mission liver transplant was ultimately a success.

It dawned on my father that a liver transplant doesn't end after the successful completion of the transplant, but the transplanted liver needs the immune system to be suppressed so that it isn't rejected like bacteria and viruses. The suppressed immune system makes you susceptible to infections and diseases. Immunosuppressant medicines are costly and side effects are costly as well. Getting infections and requiring medicines to cure them are costly. Getting regular clinical and radiological tests are expensive. VHL and an organ transplant both require constant attention and a strict radiological and lab testing schedule to identify new tumors or those that have re-grown. Besides, you need to constantly check if the transplanted organ is working perfectly. VHL requires surgeries or treatment for symptomatic relief of tumors, benign or malignant. Regular monitoring by a doctor is required to control the plethora of illnesses that an organ transplant and VHL affliction bring. My father was at a loss as to how to manage. The very thought of how he will arrange my immunosuppressive (anti-rejection medicines) and other medicines and the plethora of illness that an organ transplant and VHL affliction brings... brought my father out in a cold sweat. He cried ferocious tears on my mother's shoulders and said that 

“My princess has the will to live and she has fought the hardest and biggest war ever but how will I keep her alive?”

Surviving my first viral infection Varicella treated with Zovirax at Buddha park. 

Hearing his story when I was struggling with death, I had mental indigestion. When I was afflicted, I had a mutual understanding with my father, whom I called 'Baba’ that he would tell me the truth even if it was very disturbing. He said he had never got any affection from his own mother and called me ‘Ma’ and told me his life story which somewhat consoled him. We were walking in front of the India gate and he was confiding in me with tears in his eyes and it was a windy day. It seemed like the wind cried in accord. He said he never wanted more than what he deserved and that too when the situations were such that to save his own daughter's life, he needed money. He only asked for what his father had left for him. He was repeatedly sending his pleas to his mother, but it was all unheard by her who was influenced by his youngest brother's ploys. He, who had never asked for any assistance with his finances, wandered like a lone cloud in a wistful blue sky from door to door explaining his situation and asking for help. Sometimes it was lying and hypocrisy that weighed on his soul. His soul couldn't take the weight of the chameleons thronging and souring the reality of his life and he left us within a day after telling me all these thoughts about his family and life.

He skipped his medicines to provide my medicines and the next day he left us homeless, penniless.

But when I was diagnosed with two brain tumors and required a cyberknife I felt for my brain tumor he got his heart attack but I felt him around me and wrote

“I'm a goose, 

With an irksome noose, 

Round my neck, 

Zinging the tatty track 

With a woooooosh,

 Volubly yet I say, 

Wondrous abbreviated time,

Acrid stress, 

The drag race, 

‘live forever or die in the attempt’... says my selfish gene.”

Within six months I was diagnosed with the rarest brain tumours

I have the rarest brain tumors... Between 1902 and 2013, approximately 132 cases were reported. Few studies have reported leptomeningeal involvement in sporadic HB or in HB associated with von Hippel­Lindau syndrome.

This cool video will give an idea rather than heavy words but there is a subtle difference. 

LMD

Then one of the tumors made me blind with the right eye, I had kidney cancer, incisional hernia repair which led to debridement, bilateral Trigeminal neuralgia, a problem during swallowing and talking, and voice becoming hoarse. I feel he is around me protecting me, providing for me, caring for me. We are still together.