Tuesday, August 3, 2021

Emptiness of the void

  




 Medical quackery, medical evil. 

Wicked, smart people 

The panacea that says you can solve all of your problems

When his life was at stake people need solutions, less problems

I am also accredited as a healer

The weight was too great for her fragile spirit and physic to endure.

The Powerful Ones are the Killers.

I understood that when I was attacked by a couple of gorillas

Consequently, caught a virus that would, sporadically 

To produce viruses multiply

Wheezing like an accordion oxygen level dropped

My illusion stopped


Fatal misdiagnosis is my other name

How I am alive and well, although without any complaint of breathing problems and cramping abdomen

medical puzzle, and to solve the mystery


Courage is mine, and I have mystery;

Wisdom was mine, and I have plenty of mastery.


 




Nausea was terrible one night and slimy stuff came out while having dinner. It was awful on 10th February I had diarrhea and vomiting the entire night and in the morning I saw in the process I lost 3 kilos. Being overweight I was overjoyed to become 3 kilos slimmer.


As usual, it was thought I had food poisoning because even homemade food can make a difference to an immunocompromised patient.


We went for a while to Bombay where a doctor bungled up my cyberknife. I still have extreme pressure on both trigeminal nerves.

  • There's no reason for my choking and hoarse voice. 

  • I can't stand fall

  • I vomit suddenly

  • I have neck pain and headaches

  • Swallowing problem. 

  • I got choked on solid food and coughed my lungs out.

  • I bite my tongue while eating or speaking My right leg knee feels the same kind of electricity as TN

  • My gait and I bumped into the bookshelf

  • My right leg has become weak and if you touch I fall

  • Dizziness

  • Blurry vision.


I was confused because of the symptoms of the pancreas which is a warehouse of enzymes for digestion.

Because of tumor congestion


Delivery to the gut is blocked and the brain. I am going to the toilet after every meal.

The centrum semiovale (plural: centra semiovale) is a paired mass of white matter superior to the lateral ventricles and corpus callosum, present in each of the cerebral hemispheres, subjacent to the cerebral cortex.


It has a semi-oval shape and contains projection, commissural, and association fibers, with a newly formed tumor on the left side causing stroke often.



A new finding is a tumor on both sides of temporal lobe


A brain tumour located in the temporal lobe may cause difficulty with:

  • hearing.
  • speaking.
  • identifying and categorising objects.
  • learning new information.
  • correctly identifying emotions in others.
  • memory loss.
  • seizures or blackouts.
  • sensations of strange smells.


It's a well-known fact Dostoevsky  suffered from a rare form of temporal lobe epilepsy termed "ecstatic epilepsy." Dostoevsky used his epileptic experiences to create the protagonist of The Idiot.






Perhaps someday I will become Dostoevsky or Idiot but the chances of being an idiot look bleak because my " little grey cells" use them more than Poirot's.


After returning I had several problems. I got a bellyache for a few mornings which I least expected.


I am a Warrior princess who rides a zebra and I forgot my NET oops pet for days. 


I noticed weight loss and after every meal, I gotta go to the bathroom.


I didn't mind ' I'm trying to lose weight and a weight loss specialist recommended less food... Should I think about diarrhea?


The least I had were answers as to why I have experienced so many health problems… Especially the anxiousness and nausea but now the diarrhea which won't non stop…. I am getting abdominal pain, liquid diarrhea, sudden blurry vision, tiredness, fizzy burps, odorous fatty stools. It's true, people are disappointing, foul-mouthed, few doctors are discouraging, Government is displeasing.


The vestibulocochlear nerve is the eighth paired cranial nerve has some problems and my hearing is distorted


The facial nerve (VII) is a mixed one, considering its motor root in association with the sensitive root given by the intermediate (Wrisberg) nerve. The taste of the anterior two-thirds of the tongue on each side are its responsibility. From the tongue, this afferent, pre-ganglionic route follows through the lingual nerve (association of nerves V and VII), and afterward through the tympanic cord nerve (facial branch), to make synapses on the geniculate ganglion. Through the intermediate nerve, the postganglionic fibers (afferent visceral special - gustative route) synapse in the solitary tract nucleus of the medulla oblongata, associated with the general afferent visceral fibers, providing sensitive innervation to the mucosa of the nasal cavities and soft palate.



The parasympathetic efferent fibers of the facial nerve, originating from the upper salivary nucleus located on each side of the upper portion of the medulla oblongata, run through the intermediate nerve and afterward through the tympanic cord nerve to make synapses in the submandibular ganglion. Thence, through postganglionic fibers, they stimulate salivary secretion of the submandibular and sublingual glands.



The motor portion of the facial nerve has its nucleus on the ventral portion of the pons. Its fibers stimulate the skin-inserted muscles in the face, neck, and scalp, as well as the posterior belly of digastric and stylohyoid muscles.



There's a problem here.


Most people pooh-pooh vHL but When cells perceive a lack of oxygen (hypoxia), such as through a defect in the tumor suppressor gene (VHL), the transcription factor, HIF (Hypoxia-Inducible Factor), is not allowed to bind to the VHL protein. HIF is thus protected from degradation.


Belzutifan is a hypoxia-inducible factor-2 alpha (HIF-2α) inhibitor. Cells lacking normal 

VHL protein express inappropriately high levels of HIF-2α. HIF-2α “drives” the growth of 

VHL-associated tumors. Several research groups have shown that blocking HIF-2α in renal 

cancer cells lacking VHL results in tumor shrinkage.

Importantly, HIF2a does not act alone. To do its job, it needs to bind to a “partner” protein 

ARNT. The HIF-2α /ARNT pairing drives the growth of VHL-related tumors.

Belzutifan is a small chemical molecule that wedges between HIF-2α and ARNT and breaks 

the pair apart. The outcome is that HIF-2α, separated from ARNT, is “neutralized” and the 

VHL tumors shrink.

VHL is a genetic form of cancer. VHL patients battle a series of tumors in up to 10 parts of the body throughout their lives. Tumors can develop in the brain, spine, retina, kidney, pancreas, adrenal gland, inner ear, reproductive tract, liver, and lung. Lack of timely intervention can often lead to morbidity and mortality.


As stated by Dr. Kaelin, “When you are studying about von Hippel-Lindau disease, you are not just studying about [the] …. disease … you are also now touching other diseases as well, where we can use the VHL gene to understand what is happening.” As such, the understanding of HIF involvement in tumorigenesis provides hope for the 40% of the world’s population who will be diagnosed with cancer at some point in their lives.


Neuroendocrine tumour is a part of vHL or sporadic. A 54-year-old actor gets neuroendocrine tumours the nation gets stunned, staggers and cries for him. Waves of worry in every person. He was an entertainer, actor just that.






When a citizen calls herself Warrior Princess suffering from vHL - a genetic form of cancer. VHL patients battle a series of tumors in up to 10 parts of the body throughout their lives. Tumors can develop in the brain, spine, retina, kidney, pancreas, adrenal gland, inner ear, reproductive tract, liver, and lung. Lack of timely intervention can often lead to morbidity and mortality gets her slotted neuroendocrine tumour. Albeit Irrfan Khan fought bravely for a couple of years


Public, NGOs become R.K. Laxman's common man. Being Satan’s child humans have perks but never speaking or helping. It's not a jolt because she's been born in the fault line during a major earthquake because she got jostle, bang, jounce for 41 years 


The Warrior has hopes, aspirations, troubles but gets up without a sigh.






Thursday, July 29, 2021

Diarrhea Depression


  When stomach aches increased along with mortifying diarrhea,

Watery, frothy stool runs like her runny-mouthed logorrhea


Her stomach remembered she hasn't eaten

Blessed, I say she's not a cretin

After a meal, she has eaten

Leap to the bathroom 

Her poop smells like perfume

Potbelly

Became flat belly


Words of wisdom find a bathroom when you have diarrhea

And a nice wheelchair

As she gets weak

Feels dizzy and sick




Wisdom and ideas enter your head using bottom wipers

Her Mum got good diapers

For her warrior fighter

She could neither describe the ailment nor hoped for a cure

She needs a remedy for all disease or ills; a cure-all.

They are of their nature warlike, predatory, 

eager for a fight, plunder, her dominion

Misdiagnosis throughout life

She gets diarrhea depression.

To rise no more.


Roused by the taunting words Kaniṣṭhabhrātā spoke,

 The  as her mighty wrath awoke, 


Of the Warrior roused with the fury call

The Kaniṣṭhabhrātā is doomed 

Without escape

Harming and distorted shape 

Mata thou hast glory in thy gain,

 And,  wounded warrior begin to reign:

Roused lioness from her den,

Have little mercy on words on certain men

Whose spouse works in slaughterhouse

Bhratrijaya and her may


Hoping somebody's mistress, may be somebody's heir

And her heart began to bleed.

That roused her in the day of need,

 And thus to arouse the inner instinct and brave

 Warrior vowed to create the imperial Kaniṣṭhabhrātā and  Bhratrijaya's grave:

Shall surely die for his offense,

 Condemned for sinful negligence.


Roused by the thunder of Warrior's tread,

 The beasts to shady coverts fled.

 Tall trees were crushed or hurled aside,

 And every bird was terrified.


 Around the Warrior loveliest lilies grew,

 Pale pink, and red, and white, and blue,

 And tints of many a metal lent

 The light of varied ornaments.

 With changing forms at will,

 Warrior roamed the lovely hill,

 And countless Gods in the Warrior's life were seen

 Where flowers and grass were fresh and green.

 As some resplendent one takes

 His pastime in the best of lakes.


Roused at the din battle-spirit rose,

 Warrior captive of enclosing foes,

With one deadly stroke

 The neck of the dishonest Bhratrijaya broke,

 The monster roused  from his sleep,


Roused by his bow-string's awful clang,

 To meet their foes the Warrior sprang.

I, champion of the giants, scorn

 To fight with weaklings humbly born.

 Come forth your bravest, if he dare,

 And fight with one who will not spare.


With crushing woe, her hair unbound,

 The Warrior's eyes in floods of sorrow drowned


Death riding the chariot cried aloud in furious tone:

The grand Warriors' death is near.

 This very day shall end all grief


The story of the Warrior ends as Warrior Dropped on the land to rise no more.

Only Karma's punishment and suffering for sin

Can make Warrior will rise again 

Saturday, July 24, 2021

Ignorance, pride and ego

 






We are the capable men we have a lot of ego

Who are you? A mosquito? You can't be bigger than my ego


Ego, however mighty, 

Death,  who wields the familiar scythe, with some ferocity

The scythe is a symbol of Saturn, 

 May be seen to represent time, limitation

With no waver or hesitation

A veritable monstrosity!


Human beings are so engrossed in mundane affairs

desp'rate cares

Woes-- wants--the anxious hopes and fears

 They have no time and capacity to listen to the voice of God

But a contented soul is all alone with God

In the expanse of the Universe still untrod


 The voice of higher consciousness is always there but no one understands the eternal truth. 

Nor seek, for this is also sooth,

To hunger fiercely after truth

Man listens to his Own ego or the clamour around him, the noise of hustle and bustle, 

Jostle, hassle, elbow, tussle

He pays no attention to the ever present voice of Eternity. 

He can hear that voice only when he attains inner poise and his ever twisted mind rests in complete peace and inner harmony. 

God responds to the call of the pure and peaceful soul. 

 A prayer to grant that rare peace in which the voice of Truth can be heard.


It is said ‘Change is the law of Nature.’ 

Everything in this world is ever changing. 

The process of movement and change is perpetual. 

The pendulum of time, the cycle of seasons, the movement of planets, the activities of animals, human 

beings, all natural elements, life, wind, water etc. are always changing. 

In this process of change, the chariot of wealth is no exception. 

A person may be poor today, but he can acquire wealth by dint of his hard work. 

A wealthy man can become a pauper with the passage of time because of his bad buck and foolish deeds.

 Man should realise this fact of life and these fore should not hanker after wealth and suffer from false pride and ego. 

Or is it selfishness and ego?


The Devil, evolve beyond our ego,

Ego-related self-destructive behavior.


He should acquire wealth through honest means, utilize it for good deeds and also help other needy, poor, deserving people by using his wealth for charitable purposes.


Human life is enmeshed with all sorts of bondage.

 First  there is bondage of ignorance.

 We do not know the reality of life.

 We do not recognize the true purpose of life.

 Then there are bondages of selfish attachments and false pride and ego, and transitory pleasures of everyday life.

 All these bondages are of one’s own making and hence self-inflicted. 

We can get rid of all these bondages through

 God’s grace and love

For that, we have to surrender before him with all humility, pure mind and soul, true devotion and non-attachment.


 Fall at the hands, and under His influence all are equal. We are all connected through our mortality.

 It may also be interpreted as Death bringing an individual harvesting of our life’s work, the final ‘deadline’ 


Little time left and so much to accomplish

No one would ever know what it had cost her to accomplish 

No one will ever know the private purgatory she had been Through the via dolorosa she had traversed





Wednesday, July 21, 2021

My brain needs repairing

 


Head and body rocking

Doubters are shocking

You are bitter and think you are wise.

Pedantry denies

Everything is an imagination of my eyes.


Perhaps people think my truth is a lie

Those who sit mute with elbow resting on the table and chin on the palm thinking it's kinda sly

Sudden electricity goes through parts of my skull or leg

Crushing my spirit is like crushing an egg


From taking unfair advantage of their brains.

It felt that, in spite of all possible pains,

An, to increase all the other pains,

Nothing remains

No individuality remains

Collapsed to the floor, holding the temples

Mum gave a rare kiss on the forehead

Explosion of sudden dizziness swarmed the head

Mum stroked my temples and head

As temples burn holes in the head

The back of the head weighed like lead

Nausea and  came  her in waves

The tempest building inside has to be braved


At times I drool

Like something stuck inside my throat

Going down slowly stuck in the chest

I crush my medicines with mortar and pestle

To ease the nerve

Mum's soul and never swerve,


 My soul, poor story is not a jest

Try uncricking my neck thinking about the pain

Stroke my head and neck to relieve the pain

As I swallow food or liquid

Cough it up because fate is so wicked

Eating semi-solid food coughing my lungs out

Can you tell me without any doubt

Please tell me what 'twas all about, --

Bite my tongue and lips while eating or speaking

No sense in overthinking

Freakin while ain't speaking

Thinking about sore lips and tongue

Heave a sigh from the lungs  

As per dentists advice with anesthetic mouthwash  rinsing the mouth

Every time it seemed like poking a bad tooth with your tongue

A little handicap by the ear

Pain inside and behind the ear

Exhibiting unsteadiness of gait, hand tremors, slow muscular movement

In an odd state

I feel sorry for my winding gait


The metallic sound, I didn't realize exactly what I did hear

As odd sounds pounded and hammered in my ear it aroused fear

Hear odd wheezing sound sometimes which feels like listening to my own breathing.
A life when I take a deep breath instead of stillness my ear seems to ring

I have no control over the hand, I drop fragile things and they break

What do you make?

Hoarse voice and breathy

Walking in a zigzag way suddenly

Right knee feels electricity 

Like holding a bare cable at peak intensity

Touching my right thigh makes me fall

What do you think of this afterall

Sunday, July 18, 2021

Bad dream spilling over wakefulness Sweet dreams are a mirage

 


Have you ever had a dream?

As slowly when you're lost in a dream

That made your heart leap out of your chest in excitement?

However scary this might be

 Don’t let fear prevent you from achieving those dreams

 Trickle into your reality.

For reason, much too strong for fantasy,

Troubled, wildered, and forlorn,

Dark, benighted, war-worn,

Fragility and fleetingness of everything, 

Whether anything we do has any lasting or real effect.


What does it seem?

As you float through your mortal dream

As fishes float through a stream 

Excited? Skeptical? Concerned?

There's nothing like a dream to create your future

Now that is the need for more adventure


C'mon chase your dreams

dreams

For if dreams die

Life is a broken-winged bird

That cannot fly.


I shall not live in vain;

Following hopes and dreams 

Unfazed by the great cycle of life and death

It seemed as vague and hazy as something had been done in a dream.

Who knew that working toward your dream Could involve losing laughter and relationships?

 Engage in friendship

Friendship is a bond between souls

 Who understand each other. 


 If a friend understands you so much 

A true friend understands an unspoken word. I'm eerie in my way of thoughts too ... 



There are still many unattained dreams

From the mind that dreams,

Chasing a dream as insubstantial as a wisp of smoke

When out of this dream awoke:

Life seems to be a joke 

A Long dream that deteriorated into a nightmare


Life itself is only a vision, a dream

Shoreless space

Limitless solitude

In every department of life, it marks the transition from dreaming aspiration to laborious doing

Unsure or afraid

Moral constraints

Dreams fantasies delirium

Feeble

In intense loneliness

Chase the Dream Montage

way beyond our wildest dreams

Bad dream spilling over wakefulness

Sweet dreams are a mirage