Monday, January 17, 2022

Warrior doesn't give up

 






A man should fight till the end and so will I…

But I'm only human, weary of the battle…

Will my friends be still there?...

In my deepest and darkest despair....will they still care?

Will you assure me, you'll be there for me as before because the rains are still pouring…

I need you to help me....survive. 

Will you help me as before, it's too late?


When weapons clash warriors bleed

Everything is criticized when you are in need

Wounded warrior lay

Gasping for breath: the deadly disease

Stood quivering in his unpretentious heart.

Nobody hastened near with pain and distressed;

Warrior faltered out the last request



Being an unusual child. I never concerned myself with petty things, the trivia, the dregs in life.My tangential connections with friends and relatives left me isolated but growing up in the shadows of an extraordinary mother who helped to wipe out the bad memories and realize the beautiful, prettier side of life. Yes, never been able to complete my studies— and reading my collection of books at night, like that, under the quilt with the overheated reading lamp. Reading all those good lines while suffocating. It was magic


You can never learn from a book by memorizing a book. Real knowledge is understanding the phenomenon. I grew up reading Carl Sagan and I admire science and I always have a question in my mind.

Indians are always showing their true colors although I have never seen any other country.

The medical profession has many self-centered egoistic people that think they know everything and all patients should just shut up and be grateful and any questioning of their ability or judgment is rare... Who am I a mosquito? 


'Dr. Ishita Barat Sen: Payal...either you can play doctor or I can...

If you want my advice or support..you cannot dictate what test or scan I do and how

You want to get any test you want..pay for it and get it done wherever you want

If I have decided to do a particular scan for you in a particular way, that is after a lot of thought and deliberations. Don't you dare question my competence. I have listened to enough nonsense from you. Don't dare to send me any such rubbish message again in the future'


Neuroendocrine tumours (NETs) are rare tumours that start in neuroendocrine cells. You might also hear these tumours called neuroendocrine neoplasms (NENs) or neuroendocrine carcinomas (NECs). 


There are a number of different types of NETs. The type you have depends on the type of cell that the cancer started in. 


Most NETs develop slowly over some years. They may not cause symptoms in the early stages. It’s not unusual for people to find that a NET has already spread to another part of the body when they are diagnosed. 



Neuroendocrine cells have traits similar to those of nerve cells and hormone-producing cells. Neuroendocrine tumors are rare and can occur anywhere in the body. Most neuroendocrine tumors occur in the lungs, appendix, small intestine, rectum, and pancreas.

The neuroendocrine system is made up of nerves and gland cells. It makes hormones and releases them into the bloodstream.


Neuro means nerve and endocrine refers to the cells of the endocrine system. The endocrine system is a network of glands and organs in the body that make hormones. It is also called the hormone system.


There are neuroendocrine cells in most organs of the body, including the:


  • food pipe (oesophagus)
  • stomach
  • Lungs
  • small and large bowel
  • pancreas
  • Liver



Neuroendocrine cells have different functions depending on where they are in the body. They control how our bodies work. This includes our growth and development, how we respond to changes such as stress, and many other things. 


For example, neuroendocrine cells of the lung make hormones that control the flow of air and blood in the lungs. And neuroendocrine cells of the gut (digestive system) make hormones to control:



  • the production of digestive juices
  • the muscles that move food through the bowel
  • Where NETs start
NETs can start in different parts of the body. Like all cancers, NETs are named after the place they start growing. For example, a NET that starts in the lung is called a lung NET. This is the primary cancer. If the cancer spreads to another part of the body, it’s called secondary cancer. 


Around 5 out of every 10 NETs (50%) start in the digestive system. This is also called the gastrointestinal (GI) system. It includes the:


  • stomach
  • small and large bowel
  • pancreas
  • back passage (rectum)

Around 2 out of every 10 NETs (20%) start in the lung. NETs can also start in other places such as the:


  • food pipe (oesophagus)
  • appendix
  • Skin
  • prostate
  • womb
  • adrenal, parathyroid, and pituitary glands

NENs show a spectrum of behaviors and this makes their treatment challenging. Some exhibit an indolent, slow growth pattern, while others parallel the more aggressive, rapidly spreading tumors such as small cell lung cancer (SCLC); in between there are neoplasms of intermediate malignant potential. They require urgent aggressive chemotherapy and are associated with markedly shorter survival.  Tumours of small bowel origin tend to have a better prognosis compared to NENs originating in the pancreas. The effect of other factors such as age, race , resectability , performance status, or even marital status has similarly been examined in several publications. Most medical decisions nowadays consider tumor of origin, staging

Brain metastases (BM) are rarely reported in patients with neuroendocrine carcinoma (NEC) of non-lung origin and neuroendocrine tumors (NET) of the gastroenteropancreatic (GEP) or bronchopulmonary system. However, symptomatic brain metastases are associated with dismal prognosis, so early detection and treatment could be advisable.


The incidence of brain metastases for neuroendocrine tumor (NET) is reportedly 1.5~5%, and the origin is usually pulmonary



Why did I have pancreatic hypotenuse lesions? Why were they not followed up? And the subsequent symptoms investigated? Why were there somatostatin receptors and diarrhea such that I lost 20 kilos? " Oh your brain naturally emits somatostatin" and thus misled tons of psychiatric drugs were given and I gained weight.


But it's the goodness that makes the world spin. And we feel the bright sun will bring good tidings as Dr. Hukku identified the cause of severe diarrhea isn't being a Bengali and eating spicy ( which Dr. Ishita Sen said under medical negligence) food and sent me to a medical oncologist. There is positivity similarly there is negativity and both balance the world.


 There had been a couple of regrettable incidents though. Surprisingly cogs and circuits malfunctioned because of errors and time cheated. I haven't forgotten everything of her past,  brother ( God never give such a money minded brother to anyone)living for the sake of money, his spouse assaulting and saying " You Bitch you die right now"...


Every day of suffering, part of which remained in the circuits and when those fateful memories turn up, the electrons in the brain got charged up and misfired and as I start remembering extra Mum channeled those bottomless energy and i endrted writing and spinning out tales, novels and detective stories and poetry and my penchant for figuring out Science never left me.

I jotted them down on my blog.

The desire to time travel and go back to my childhood days expunging certain events that never let her enjoy the hop-skip-jump of those days was a strong attraction .Realizing such a strange tour is out of the question, wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote here I am writing my fall. I slid down but a warrior is born to fight, not to give up.




It is easy to classify kinds of neuroendocrine tumors on the basis of where they are located and also how they look like. The most common description is on the basis of the impact they have on the body. Functional NETs cause hormonal disturbances in the body whereas nonfunctional NETs do not cause any or enough hormonal changes to show any symptoms. This is why NETs have a higher chance of going unnoticed until very late. Many times, neuroendocrine cancers are discovered by mistake.


A neuroendocrine tumour (NET), simply put, is an umbrella term for a class of rare cancers. Not only is it difficult to diagnose, but it's also slow-growing and complex.

Neuroendocrine cells are found all over the body — especially in the small bowel, pancreas, stomach, the adrenal gland, lungs and thyroid. As and when these cells receive signals from the nervous system, they release the corresponding hormones.


NETRF data also shows that every 7 in 100,000 people are afflicted and that number is on the rise. If you have a nonfunctional tumor you might experience pain in the specific area and might feel a lump beneath your skin. You may also experience nausea and vomiting


No money no life

‘Money’ and ‘Power’ are the root causes in every act of felony, every crime, every treachery committed since time immemorial. 

Money, gold, holds allure because it gives power, a lavish lifestyle and many are ready to harm a life for its powerful charisma.

 Money tempts most people to wrongdoing. 

Crime is as old as humanity.

 Thus, it is since ancient times that brothers are slaughtering brothers for the power of the throne and the wealth it brings along. 

Slaughtering, poisoning, strangling, asphyxiating, backstabbing, but achieving money and power and destroying every life on the way. 

Such is the queer nature of the human race.

Breathing is a race, 

With longing and restlessness everywhere

Bearing grief every day 

All my life in a certain way 


To see if you feel alive

Or just existing muddled


 A son instead of being dutiful towards his parents and ailing sister desires the end of the ailing, helpless and shoves them out of the way, 

A raving egomaniac parent drunk with the influence of wealth, affluence, power withholds what the ailing sibling truly deserves, thus strangling life out bit by bit




Since you ask, most days I cannot remember.

I walk in my clothing, unaware by that voyage.

Then the almost unnameable lust returns.


I never wanted to die. Even when those I loved

died , went away from me, went beyond me. 

My life was never always a question, if for no other reason

Then I wanted to wake up and see what happened next. 


Even then I have nothing against life.

I know well the grass blades you mention,

the furniture you have placed under the sun.



But suicides have a special language.

Like carpenters they want to know which tools.

They never ask why?.


 I have so simply declared myself,

I have been beaten by  the enemy, eaten the enemy,

Have taken on by  his craft, his magic.

Who asked me to drop dead.

Pulling the thread by which I was alive,living jolly breathing, not dead.


In this way, heavy and thoughtful,

warmer than oil or water,

I have rested, drooling at the mouth-hole.


And I continued to want to open like that, like the flowers

who lift their heavy heads as the hills outside the window

flare gold for a moment before they turn

on their sides and bare their creased backs.


Even the cut flowers in a jar of water lift

their soon to be dead heads and open

their eyes, even they want a few more sips,

to dwell here, in paradise, a few days longer.



I did not think of my body at needle point pain

Even the leftover will is  gone.

Suicides have already betrayed the body.


Still-born, they don't always die,

But dazzled,  can't forget a drug so sweet

A face would look on and smile.

I am thirsty for compassion.

I can't bear this pain no more, the agony to kill myself

I want euthanasia

Life is fantasia


To thrust all that life under your burning third eye representing fire. 

His left and right eyes indicate his activity in the physical world. ... In his anger he opened his third eye, and fire from the eye devoured Kama,

  Kali mata save me by stopping the cycle of life and death

I plead him to open the eye!

Burn me to bhasma

That, all by itself, has become a passion.

Death's a sad Bone; bruised, you'd say,


Waiting for you, year after year,

To  so delicately undo all wounds 

To empty my breath from its bad prison called the Earth


Balanced there, suicides sometimes meet,

Raging at the bull , a pumped-up moon,

leaving the bread they mistook for a kiss,


Leaving the page of the book carelessly open,

something unsaid, the phone off the hook

and the love, and aspirations

Whatever it was, an infection.

Stifling to Death

Stopping all pain and breath.

I hate the Earth 

My forte

Unvanquishable infusion of life

With a deep sense of humanity

Who think of humility

I'd rather live in Hell fire 

Pandemic's quick fire shall burn

violence on each other out fear

 In frustration and pain I can no longer bear

With no harmony in my brain 

I shun paradise

I shun rain







  



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