How did the flames begin?

It all began with a come-to-the-battle sort of poetry. All magic, every transformation begins with poetry.

In the midst of my struggle and every day of suffering, after the tragedy of losing my father when I faced the indifference of the unfeeling people it churned up those memories when my father realized that all his sly and crafty brother had done is a manipulation of his trust. He shouldn't have trusted them too readily. It was as if he had given his trust on a platter to those who had tricked him earlier. He panicked and lost his dignity and he couldn't take any more of it. He realized everything and told me his story of being deprived of any motherly love.

The very next day he had a massive cardiac arrest and I rushed with him in a police ambulance to Sir Gangaram Hospital.

After my father's departure to the other world, our real struggle began. And that marked the beginning of the most difficult phase of my life, leaving me penniless and almost homeless. His death was the single most calamitous event of my life.

I had no time to bemoan my fate that my father had left me this way… how will I get my immunosuppressant medicines? How will I get my laboratory tests done? Where rent and basic necessities coupled with treatment expenses added up like ‘defence budget’.

When an embodiment of humanity, supposedly caring person filled with morality, roared,

“Who do you think you are? A princess?”

My circuits threatened to breathe out fire and destroy everything...I have never been spoken to in this fashion, ever and it was a cold cruel insult. The chameleon has forgotten that in my own capacity I had helped his wife with the best doctors and a minor surgery...

I wrote the poem which inspired me to fight and never give up...

Warrior Princess 

A Warrior Princess  

A Warrior princess I am,

I wage wars with head held high,

A warrior, never afraid of wounds,

A Warrior dies dancing that’s who I am.

Trudging hills never trodden by,

Propelled into uncertain territory,

Soul deeply wounded by black melancholy,

Never stooping to fear or sentimentality,

Chasing desires, not waiting for fate to show mercy;

Flowing forth with random delight in stark reality.

Gloom of doom come what may;

Banished all worries, doubts,

I moved onward in the track valiantly,

Imploding yet ebullient in a spree,

Compounded difficulties, hiemal cold manner can’t faze me,

Benign friends express fervency.

Content with mysterious, meaningless, contradictory, hostile,

Unexplainably warm and giving,

Fearfully enclosed minds,

I hurtled the absolute randomness,

On the verge of uncertainty. 

Proffered relations, friends, unfailing support,

Bravado, mercy, pity, arrogance,

A loner rushed forth in the path of life.

“Pretty-nigh impossible!” was told ad infinitum,

Equivalence sought,

Yet situations, reasons, excuses remain distant,

The exactitude of pain has never been meted out to none. 

Halt! Patience!

I hear people cry,

But I'm at a point of no return.

I’m brave, I rave,

Grave only when repressed,

Crammed with memory, hoarding much,

Endured much, weary of wounds,

Feelings which built up in the War,

Hardened and died inside,

Soul searcher I am,

Reality seems absurdity,

Kind, affectionate friends,

Elevate me, eke out positivity.

I still dare to change the things I can,

I resuscitate ceaselessly,

I wage wars with verve

In a point of no return

Yes, a Warrior Princess I am.

Wild bouts upended direction,

Infallible friends formed my legion,

Marched with me without regression,

Flew fearless without reason,

Melancholy replaced by undying optimism,

Turned to memory,

Worries banished, never looked back in history.

Prettify, nor falsify no one,

They are but for a season,

Gathered to escort the lost one,

By way of cosmic expression,

Collective train of thought mitigates privation.

Here comes the season

Of faces blurring and fading away

Like a dream, in illusion.

 Life: - Annus Mirabilis!!

 Chained me in an endless cycle,

Not unfolding its mystery afore.

Life is a game of chance;

Granted once;

Temporary stay wagered

To expire, I thus learn;

Entering the reality makes you stand

In a tricky, dangerous position,

Whence, you are in a point of no return.

Thus I welcome change with open arms,

Grow and live vibrantly not in a trance,

Soul dance​,

Immense will billow like a towering tsunami;

Summon up the courage to live life once,

Regression dishonour efforts and makes them undone,

Thus I move on with fluency.

Friends not attacked by dubiousness;

Try utmost to form a supportive system;

Don’t believe living in ‘jocund company’

Dying alone in ignorance;

They want to evolve from Darkness;

Tries revamping my life in earnestness;

They are not Friends for a season, but a lifetime,

I hurtle the chaotic reality in their glorious presence,

I resuscitate ceaselessly,

Wage wars from a point of no return.

A Warrior Princess, I am.

I haven’t forgotten everything of my past because my struggle hasn’t ended... every day of suffering, part of which remained in my circuits and when those fateful memories turn up, the electrons in the brain gets charged and misfires and I start remembering extra my mother channelizes that bottomless energy and I start writing and spinning out tales, thus I became an author. I can’t get back to my childhood days where I never enjoyed the hop-skip-jump of those days. Realizing such a strange tour is out of the question, I decided to wage a war against the rogue protein molecules( VHL or Von Hipple Lindau) that brought me into a condition that a faulty part had to be changed and the system rewired. Thenceforth everything went wrong from the sub-atomic level and other parts started sprouting unwanted malicious codes (tumours). They disrupted or inflicted some other harmful action on the network. I survived kidney cancer. One of those malicious tumours sitting atop my optic nerve in the brain makes me partially blind. Not even those killer sessions of radiation therapy could shrink it. Those tumours, especially the nasty ones popping up in my brain makes living every day a constant fight. Strangely enough, I became something of a connoisseur of the bizarre and the grotesque which led me to write the novel "Midnight-a thrilling novel".I also wrote ‘The Adventures of Mum and Princess” which is a really thrilling book, unlike the deadly one (Midnight)you just read about.