Saturday, July 17, 2021

Struggle, suffer,endure,survive


 Though in the struggle life may be lost,

Into the storm, the warrior was tossed

As a Warrior struggles to survive the disease

There is no cure for this very rare disease.

Unceasing struggle with a unique disease

Heroes, Victims, Martyr, Warriors under remarkable crises

Left to own devices


 Life for a Warrior is a matter of daily struggle

Titanic struggle to find a specialist

Serendipity specialist

Gives all-consuming hopelessness

Oh sleeplessness- Oh loneliness 

Feelings of emptiness, hopelessness, hollowness


Had it not been for the turmoil of the struggle

Fatigue, suffering, struggle

Didn't burn through the skin like a flame burning down a candle

The endless poverty of life 

constant struggle 

To get along with made the Warrior hard and sore

It has chock-full of vitamins after supper soothes the inflamed core.



Warrior had suffered so much but she still had things to live for

Probably got you baffled more

Be aware that this sort of thing had never occurred before

We all suffer pain, one way or another.

How we react to the trauma

Mentally bandaged from trauma

Or by melodrama 

But it's the confidence which decides the path you decide to follow

What appears to work excellent today may not work at all tomorrow

So much suffering in the world

Spiritual torment suffered

Ought'n suffer more than they have to

Trying is something a Warrior gets used to

The warrior thinks " feelin' kinda lonesome and blue,

I needed somebody to talk to."

Warrior said to Mum " I make it without you"



Only madness endures

Seek real friendship that endures

The proud spirit of Warrior cannot endure mockery

The Warrior must have won the Cosmic lottery

Warrior was chosen as the spirit could endure

The wound  the Warrior suffers, never find a cure 

Absence of body is preferable to presence of mind

Allows the machinery of society to work smoothly

I did not gain, I acknowledge, I did not soften I endured


"I'm still alive and in life business

Still enduring the most tormenting pain"

 Warrior mused 

"But I survived a hellish journey for which there was no map or previously beaten path

Survived several bad blows"

Venturing out close to death before survival summed up the Warrior 

Hark the heavenly melody 

No tenuous survival,

The turf is uncertain; 

So is the terrain;

Instead of dull trivial and cowardly existence

"Still hanging on 

When I want to sigh;

 I get up with head held high; 

Choosing a path never trodden by, 

“To leave a trail and make a difference…” The Warrior mused


All evaporated like a trail of sweet dreams

It's worth it even if you fail, Falling like a meteor forever blazing a trail

 I always felt mesmerized when I heard the lines "Mutation is the key to our evolution It has enabled us to evolve from a single-celled organism into the dominant species of the planet. The process is slow normally taking 1000 And 1000 of years. But every few hundred millennia evolution leaps forward"

I feel life is a joke you never knew a mutant X -men was roaming around everyone but who am I,Wolverine? A failed experiment of evolution?



 I was diagnosed with a rare disease von Hippel-Lindau or VHL. It is a genetic form of cancer. VHL patients battle a series of tumors throughout their life. VHL may occur in up to 10 organs of the body also there is a possibility of neuroendocrine tumors.


von Hippel Lindau (VHL) disease is a rare autosomal dominant disorder characterized by the presence of hemangioblastomas in the brain, spinal cord, and retina with associated involvement of the kidneys, liver, pancreas, and adrenals. The presence of pheochromocytoma in a patient with VHL poses a considerable challenge to the anesthesiologist. This is a report of a patient with VHL and underlying pheochromocytoma who underwent emergency craniotomy for excision of a cerebellar hemangioblastomas

The only treatment is the removal of tumors, irradiation, and monitoring but unfortunately, multiple tumors formed in the liver which compressed and displaced vital vessels and I had a liver transplant leading to turning off of the immune system. Curing vHL brings us closer to curing many forms of cancer. 

Under normal conditions, the VHL gene controls the cell's oxygen-sensing mechanism, keeping cancerous tumours at bay. When the gene is missing or mutated, the body's tumour suppressor signalling does not function correctly. The tumours can be benign or cancerous and appear and grow unpredictably throughout a patient's life. 

Since VHL patients battle a series of tumors throughout their lives, they are an ideal population for studying tumor growth and identifying ways in which a patient’s lifestyle or environment may affect the progression of the disease.




And, while von Hippel-Lindau disease is rare, the VHL gene is involved in many other forms of cancer. The new database will include data from patients with several other rare forms of genetic cancer, and could ultimately influence the treatment of many other types of cancer including common forms.




VHL gene responsible for von Hippel Lindau syndrome. Controls major feeding pipeline of a cell. A mutation in the gene causes cells metabolism to change. Mutations in VHL are also part of the causes of other tumours such as breast, kidney, colon, pancreas etc. As a result, finding a cure for von Hippel Lindau is one step closer to finding cure for many other forms of cancer.

Esteemed researchers provided an understanding of how cells can sense and adapt to changing oxygen levels and how this results in cancer, such as in brain, bladder, breast, colon, ovarian, kidney, and pancreatic cancers.

When cells perceive a lack of oxygen (hypoxia), such as through a defect in the tumor suppressor gene (VHL), the transcription factor, HIF (Hypoxia-Inducible Factor), is not allowed to bind to the VHL protein. HIF is thus protected from degradation.

The accumulation of HIF results in the overexpression of various cellular growth factors (VEGF, PGDF) and a change in the ways cells utilize glucose and generate energy. These changes, in turn, lead to an over production of blood vessels, which ultimately leads to tumorigenesis. Understanding how to overcome the HIF accumulation and the cell’s perception of hypoxia, is key to preventing tumor development and growth.

The work of these three men, particularly Dr. Kaelin, has focused on the VHL gene. In Dr. Kaelin’s research is cause for optimism, not only for the 200,000 people suffering from VHL (von Hippel-Lindau disease) around the world, but also for those facing other cancer diagnoses.


VHL is a genetic form of cancer. VHL patients battle a series of tumors in up to 10 parts of the body throughout their lives. Tumors can develop in the brain, spine, retina, kidney, pancreas, adrenal gland, inner ear, reproductive tract, liver, and lung. Lack of timely intervention can often lead to morbidity and mortality.

As stated by Dr. Kaelin, “When you are studying about von Hippel-Lindau disease, you are not just studying about [the] …. disease … you are also now touching other diseases as well, where we can use the VHL gene to understand what is happening.” As such, the understanding of HIF involvement in tumorigenesis provides hope for the 40% of the world’s population who will be diagnosed with cancer at some point in their lives.

The VHL Alliance (VHLA, vhl.org) has been working for decades with cadres of research professionals and members of the medical community around the world to better understand the VHL gene and its impact on cancer development. The VHL Alliance funds research in numerous areas including work related to that of the newest Nobel Laureates.

Thanks to this research, the FDA has approved eight drugs for the treatment of kidney and breast cancers. These agents target the regulation of cellular growth factors (the downstream consequence of elevated HIF levels).

The mutation of the gene is confirmed in AIIMS research.




Unfortunately, multiple tumors formed in the liver which splayed, compressed, and displaced vital vessels and I had a liver transplant leading to turning off of the immune system. 


The side effect in question? These medications may increase your risk of infection. 


This almost implies that if you are taking some of these medications you will fall ill every time you pass by someone with the sniffles along with the big stuff, like the flu or tuberculosis, or end up with Covid like me.


Due to an unfortunate event, I contracted Covid, acquired the contagion.

The ingredient of life had a chat with my disabled  immune system 




There were multiple cysts in the pancreas already. They blocked the exocrine functions ( enzymes) and for a couple of months, I had to run to the bathroom after every meal. After Creon SD microgranules were prescribed my diarrhea feels better but you can confirm it is around Rs 3000 and lasts for only 2 days.


Pancreatic cancer is one of the most lethal malignancies in the world, with mortality rates being close to the incidence rates. The incidence rates of pancreatic cancer is 3%. Most patients with pancreatic cancer are diagnosed at the advanced stage due to the deficiency of a standard program for screening patients at a high risk of pancreatic cancer,leading to a poor prognosis with a 5-year survival rate of <7%. Therefore, it is very important to clarify the mechanisms of pancreatic cancer progression and develop novel therapeutic strategies to improve the overall survival of affected patients.

After getting 15 surgeries including radio surgeries I can't give up on living. With leptomeningeal hemangioblastomas and Covid with the immune system turned off due to liver transplant I am at a high risk but I love life and my mother.


My heart is an endless subterranean world pounding with desires to drink in the bliss called "Life"


Supratentorial HB is a rare and benign neoplasm. Very scarce literature is available regarding supratentorial HB. Supratentorial HB, which are quite rare, were first described by Bielschowsky in 1902.




All patients who underwent primary surgery for HB of the CNS. The median interval from initial surgery on HB of the CNS to identification of leptomeningeal dissemination was 96 months. I was diagnosed in 60months.




It is very rare approximately from 1902-2013 only 132 cases have been globally reported. I am not sure if anyone has the same tumors in India. From 2013 I had posted to EURORDIS and Rare disease and never found any.

 

Currently,I am suffering from a serious multiple brain tumor. Perhaps I am the first one in India. The small tumors floating around in the fluid used for cushioning the brain and spine tend to compress all the nerves that come their way. Hence the first nerve to be compressed was the optic hypothalamic nerve which made me blind with my right eye even after killing radiation therapy.




I got a swallowing problem. The cranial nerves associated with the swallowing process are the trigeminal (V), facial (VII), glossopharyngeal (IX), vagus (X), accessory (XI) - usually not considered - and hypoglossal (XII). 



After 2017 I also have a chronic ischemic brain. Cerebral ischemia or brain ischemia, and when there isn’t enough blood flow to the brain leading to limited oxygen supply it may lead to the death of brain tissue, or ischemic stroke.




A proton beam directed at a tumor travels in a straight trajectory towards its target, gives off most of its energy at a defined depth called the Bragg peak, and then stops. While X-rays often deposit more energy within the healthy tissues of the body than within the tumor.





Leptomeningeal dissemination of hemangioblastomas (HB) of the central nervous system (CNS) is extremely rare. Between 1902 and 2013, approximately 132 cases were reported.



Detecting and treating the condition of leptomeningeal hemangioblastoma without delay seems to help survival, though the number of patients analyzed is small. The most common cause of death is respiratory failure due to pontomedullary or cervical cord compression.






Early detection and aggressive management can enhance the prognosis of patients with CNS leptomeningeal dissemination of HBs. Imaging surveillance, by contrast-enhanced spinal or brain MRI, should be considered in patients with a large amount of tumor bleeding during the initial surgery.



I never had any delay in intellectual and physical development. I would have been never been chosen. Everything is inside. My missing liver which has been stitched back with a replacement; my left kidney, part of which is gone forever; my brain which has been burnt by radiation beams. resulting in an ischemic brain and the tumours scattered inside sparkling like a star punched sky yet the "little grey cells" had worked out an exceptional detective book during lancinating pain with one-eyed vision and typing with the index finger of the right hand because after the had got palsy and was treated with high-dose steroids the hand doesn't work like before and the left had after recovering from paralysis didn't get back the sense of touch and both halves of brain lost coordination and refuse to work together. Also writing for Times of India digital I can work out more books and encouraging posts for society if my compressed nerves are restored into functional mode.

I have no income. I write for Times of India digital without honorarium and my mother who is a pensioner draws barely enough pension to feed and clothe us, leave alone pay for my medical expenses. 


It's worth it even if you fail

Falling like a meteor forever blazing a trail


Princess decides how far she has come

The insurmountable she has overcome


Better be a meteor falling forever

Let not be forgotten forever and ever,

Better to flame the darkness with thy mother

Where roots of relationship are woven not strong

I will sing it loud and sing it strong

Let there be echo but who cares people decide if I was right or wrong

Wounded Warrior



Wounded Warrior lay

 Gasping for breath: the deadly disease 

 Stood quivering in her unpretentious, genuine heart.

 Nobody hastened near to help in pain and distress;

 To Lord Warrior faltered out the last request.


Shoulder thou speak the words of justice now

Well I'm already there in my mind with my grey cells functional

 And that's good enough for now

Administration's power and injustice fall

May the Lord have mercy on us all.


When weapons clash warriors bleed

Everything is criticized when you are in need


The power and authority

 Owing to commit the sinful deed

 And forfeit hope of heavenly atonement 

Warrior was lost in tides of a moment



 A guilty act would dim the shine

 Of stunning glorious lines.

 Nay, as protection, looking after in weariness Warrior's mother wrought

 Is grievous to Warrior's inmost thought, 



For holy truth is base and beginning

 Of justice and each holy thing,

 Strength, might, vigor that every wounded warrior transcends,

 Linked to high bliss that never ends.

 Truth is all virtue's surest base,

 Supreme in worth and first in place.

 Gifts men offer here,

 Vows, sacrifice, and rites austere

Wounded Warrior carries a remedy for all deadly disease or ills; a cure-all

But sickness at the heart of society can't be cured and must be endured.


The sickness of a selfish heart seeks only gain.

It was with a terrible sense of finality

Decisive halt with a terrible sense of finality

Healthcare was like the oldest profession 

Imperfection in open selection

This is his vocal confession

Youngsters are the choicest selection

Others are random rejection

Commodity involved is human life - could not be quantified

Quality of life is something you could not put a price on

Comparison stands up to scrutiny

quality-adjusted life years

Quality is quantifiable!

Hope is something really tough and persistent you have to give up even in hell!

Wednesday, July 14, 2021

Speak through your actions


Live life in the spirit of dedication for the welfare of humanity.

Any selfless act performed for the welfare of creation may be termed as sacrifice.

Nothing comes without a price,

Those who gladly give up paradise


  Live life in the spirit of dedication for the welfare of humanity. 

We should not live life just to fulfil our own selfish desires but should extend our help and cooperation to others in the society. 

‘Do unto others as you wish to be done by.’

In this way, our life shall become a sacrifice dedicated to the Creator and His creation.

The inner urge to acquire has to be genuine and wholesome.

Selfish are object of pity so loathsome 

People who do distinction so loathsome 



 In order to attain the desired objective one has to work hard with dedication

Keeping an eye on destination 


Success may not come soon and easily. 

One has to exercise due patience and need not be disheartened by delay or some initial failures. 

Correctness of behavior.

Slow and steady wins the race. 

Patience and perseverance are essential to achieve success.


Those who are engaged in the performance of noble deeds 

Whatever hinders or impedes

 Work for a noble cause

Without a pause

Are worthy of applause


 Are inspired by the Divine Spirit.

 Inspired by Divine Power,

 Such people acquire inner strength as they march forward on the noble and moral path.

He who walked on the righteous path

 Therefore, work hard for humane causes 

Qualify for God’s aid.


The grace of the Divine Power 

Has to be earned by living a life of true devotion,

 Purity of mind and soul and love for all living beings

Entangled in worldly sufferings



What we get in life is what we deserve on the basis of our deeds and misdeeds.

Every action has an interrelated reaction. 

An action performed by any human being has its reward or punishment

All this is judgement

 Depending upon the type of action performed. 

A good deed performed with good intention results in good fortune 

A bad deed is followed by some sort of punishment. 

But this may not appear to be happening in all cases as some actions bring forth instant results

 While others take time to produce results. 

That is the mystery of the law of Karma. 

This law is exact but the consequence of a particular action may occur, sometime sooner and sometime later in life or even in another life. 

However, it is definite that good actions will have happy outcomes and evil deeds will be followed by pain and misery.


Good deeds bless us with fruitful consequences. 

If the charitable deeds do not produce good results in this life, 

It  will happen in the next life

 In the form of greater wisdom and a healthy body and environment. 

Thus charity brings its reward sooner or later in subsequent lives, in accordance with the regulation of the law of Karma. 

One should, therefore, not be disheartened in case the reward of charity is not forthcoming in the present life; 

It will surely follow in the next life or in another later life.

 One should, however, perform charitable deeds without any concern for their outcomes and without expectations.


Virtuous men of good character. 

In this way we rise higher

Set good examples for others to follow. 

Good habits practised regularly lay the foundation of good character. 

In case such habits are cultivated in the productive years of life, 

One is sure to become a person of good character.

 Men of good character perform good actions

 They not only earn the respect of the general public 

also carve a name and fame for themselves.


‘Speak through your actions.’


Mere telling, saying and advising verbally is not enough. Set an example by actually doing what one instructions for others to do.

 If someone tells others to speak the truth, 

He should first himself speak the truth. 

A smoker’s advice to others ‘not to smoke’ will have no effect.

 Therefore, lay emphasis on actions and actual deed

 A philosopher has aptly said ‘An ounce of practice is better than a ton of precept.’


Man is God’s best creation. 

We should perform our duties seriously, truthfully and with good intentions and purpose.


Do your duty and leave the rest to God and have full faith in him.

In this dark, turbulent stream of life, the world is torn by rivalry, enmity, only the Almighty God may help us to cross the ocean of troubles.

Only he can guide our boat and take it to the safety

of divine fulfilment. Therefore, with full faith, surrender all your

thoughts and desires to God. Only he can help you to attain victory

over your troubles with his mercy.


Live in complete harmony with nature and feel the grace of Godin the universal splendour.

Let God’s reassuring love bless you.

The

refreshing dawn will gladden your soul, the bright mid day will please your heart and the sweet music of the soul will guide you towards peace and joy.

And when the day’s work is finished, you

shall rest in your mother’s comfort.


God, Nature and Soul are the three factors which rule over human life. 

We should love God earnestly and live in harmony with Nature, listening to the sweet music of our soul. 

Living in this way, God will bless us and mother Nature will bestow peace and joy to our heart and soul. 

Every day we should perform our daily duties,

 following this pattern, the grace of God will surely descend on us making our life comfortable and full of joy.


Follow the path of righteousness and never stray from this path. Human life is like a journey from ignorance to enlightenment.


We should perform our duties according to circumstances. Our actions should show good conduct and moral values. 

We should acquire good education and right knowledge so that we can make distinction between right and wrong. 

In this way, we shall never go astray and shall always follow the right path.

Monday, July 12, 2021

Friendship vs.Relationship


Friendship is one of life's greatest treasures.

Souls connected in space and time beyond any measure 

Even if we don't see each other for years

Emotions yet untold;

As time goes on, and bonds grow strong,

They will all unfold.


Good friends listen, encourage your fight

Classmate, Well-wishers, neighbors even doctors and lawyers all can be your friend 

I believe in sharing a feeling of pain, fear, apprehension, or trepidation

Friends are always there and kindly listen

Someone on whom you’d depend

Someone who’ll lift you when you’re down in a mess.



You can't choose your family relationships

But you can choose friendships

Relations lose mind don't remember their duty

Shunning their mortal duty are the snooty



Friends listen with attentive care,

And reassure my mind;

That cherishing hearts are still alive

It's not from the sense of duty

They bring the shining sun honestly, truly, really


Distance doesn't matter when roots of bonding are strong 

With friends as time passes bonds grow strong 

As the darkest hour came, emotions untold

My destiny remains cold


It's clear and plain 

Abusive and insane

Relations ignore doesn't matter 

Truth, for truth's a weighty matter,

Best friends are mother and daughter 


"It Hurts, Not Being Accepted For Who You Are."