Saturday, June 5, 2021

With the thrill of walking the tightrope of existence




 Life is a constant journey,

 Honed by dedication, 

Landscape changes, needs, and situation,

 Life is a train, not the station,

 Dazzling euphoria is: nothing happens without reason, 

Action yields equal reaction.

Satisfaction

Comes with compassion




Life is for daring, moving onward, 

Existence is Persistence, 

Not gravitating into the black hole of optimistic pessimism, 

Life serves the music like a delicatessen


Memento mori: insight is the propulsion, 

Galvanic charisma, magnificence

Picturesque augmentation

The wondrous vastness of creation

Saturates imagination


Aye, I go hence,

Guided by cosmic intelligence

With the thrill of walking the tightrope of existence


Persecuted minority

Over anything else ought to get priority


The expiration date  is pre-encoded in the genome

Being God's marionette

Chance! Oh, there is no chance! The scene is set,

God working the wire

Turns a spark into fire


Attuned to the creation

Bright and glorious is that revelation,

Between the emotion and exultation


In my loneliness and darkness

Feel Mum's tenderness

Dream of happiness

With a mixture of amusement never lost in bitterness

Otherworldly weariness

Nothingness

Emptiness

Utter loneliness

Hollowness

Of heart mind and soul

Has the power of the dream

Floating through the stream

Navigating the expansive sea in a leaky boat

Rollin' river in a jerkin' boat

When night thickens God keeps me afloat



Sheds a fascinating light on the World

Into the path I hurl'd

Unless I hear there's an option of another world

Unharrowed have a presentiment of sorrow, hardships, and adversity

Bask in uncertainty


 Throughout life  have an intrinsic profound understanding

Where knowledge is expanding

I'm not demanding

Where trust and love is abounding

Somehow my life will be fine

Says the pulsating heart of mine


Boldness, ignoring fears,

 Empathy, concern passion to stand up for others,

Fixin' ev'rybody's troubles

As they burst like bubbles


Not feeling looserish, gullible

For all intents and purposes  feeling indomitable

Against the unsentimental and sometimes cruel.


Rage and lust are wrong

I sing it loud and sing it strong

Facing life's mutability, its increasing and foreseeable

Facing vicissitudes

With Mum's solicitude

I can face all attitudes


Where happiness is a fugitive

So is hope

I shout and tell them I am positive

Going up the mountain slope


With courage against cataclysmic forces

With the power of a zebra not horses

The courage that enables to fling into the open sea, into some uncharted terra incognita -


Certainly whatever we wish to be can be produced by present actions

The ultimate conclusion is the logic of a fact

For every unjustest act

Blinding us as we retract

About this disease, we contract…

Future will be shaped by present actions

Divinity judges by your actions

Doesn't let you travel to flash back and undo your actions

Change what happens, inspect the fractions

Inactions and idleness will lead time drop in decay

But if you act the right way

The  sun beat down upon the steps of time to light the way 

Friday, June 4, 2021

Solving the mystery of life


 “What 'O what is life?"

Elementary, dear Watson

To begin with, it's a riddle of three letters

Each timeless letter

Shall be clearer, firmer, better


With the honor of sharing a page with betters,



Unspooling the road ahead

   Forever and anon

 Right on, Watson


Impeccable timing unlike Lestrade

 To begin with, 

As the tiny singularity exploded

Matter, energy, space, time were created



 Aftermath of the explosion

Life created in graceful motion 

Spewing  admixture of trove ingredients

The melody of the cosmos is uplifting experience 


Mutation is the key to our evolution

Are we on the path of destruction?

Infused cosmos with precious elements for us to generate

As we propagate, evolve, mutate

 From a single-celled organism 

The silence of purpose dost thou harken?

Are we poisoning the ecosystem?

 Being the dominant species of the planet. 

Isn't that strange enchantment

We are part of the cosmos

 And cosmos in us

 We are the stardust






Thursday, June 3, 2021

The universe always responded when I needed help, leading up to the right door

 


To protect you an' defend you

From cruelty, apathy, and wrong,

Someone's there to open each and every door,

I knocked loudly at each door 

When it's time someone will open the door

Hard times, hard times, come again no more.

I have been through nightmares before

The universe always responded when I needed help,

Leading up to the right door 



*Help Payel Bhattacharya Survive - VHL - Genetic Multi System Disorder* I am raising funds for one of my known Ms. Payel Bhattacharya who is 40 yrs old and is a patient of VHL ( von Hippel- Lindau which is a genetic multisystem disorder that causes tumors which become Cancer and can affect upto 10 parts of the body including Brain, Spine , ear , Nose , Liver & Kidneys. In Past 10 yrs Payel has had multiple surgeries as a treatment of this disease. Payel is dependent on her 70 yrs Old Mother and the only sour... *Read more* - https://www.ketto.org/fundraiser/help-payel-bhattacharya-survive-vhl-genetic-multi-system-disorder?utm_medium=whatsappShare&utm_content=591c26016cc4938389a1211b06c17a44&shby=1&utm_source=internal&utm_campaign=help-payel-bhattacharya-survive-vhl-genetic-multi-system-disorder *Donate Now to help Nishant Arora* - https://www.ketto.org/fundraiser/help-payel-bhattacharya-survive-vhl-genetic-multi-system-disorder?utm_medium=whatsappShare&utm_content=591c26016cc4938389a1211b06c17a44&shby=1&utm_source=internal&utm_campaign=help-payel-bhattacharya-survive-vhl-genetic-multi-system-disorder



https://www.ketto.org/fundraiser/help-payel-bhattacharya-survive-vhl-genetic-multi-system-disorder



Human activity in the web of life
Humanity, empathy is fundamental for life.
I am happy shreds of humanity is still alive

I have a rare disease called VHL or Von-Hippel Lindau--this is a cancer-suppressing gene and those people who have VHL disease have a mutation, turning you into a tumor producing factory.

In my case, blood-filled tumors form in up to 10 organs of the body.

The only treatment is the removal of tumors, irradiation, and monitoring but unfortunately, multiple tumors formed in the liver which compressed and displaced vital vessels and I had a liver transplant leading to turning off of the immune system.




I had a liver transplant owing to several tumors in the liver which could not be taken out individually causing excruciating pain due to frequent hemorrhages in 2008. The largest lesion caused splaying of the portal vein around the lesion. Hepatic veins were compressed and displaced by the segment 4&8 mass lesion. 




Certain medications are nothing short of miracles for the patients who need them. Medications such as anti-rejection drugs, chemotherapy, and corticosteroids are life-saving for many patients, but like many treatments, these pharmaceutical marvels come with side effects. And at least one of these side effects requires some potentially significant lifestyle adjustments.


The side effect in question? These medications may increase your risk of infection. 


In other words, the drugs like sirolimus, predisolne, Cyclosporine, Mycophenolic or tacrolimus jeopardize your immune system. They are immunosuppressant drugs. The medication has the potential to interfere with the processes in the body that prevent infection and this interference is what allows the medication to work.  

This almost implies that if you are taking some of these medications you will fall ill every time you pass by someone with the sniffles along with the big stuff, like the flu or tuberculosis or end up with Covid.


Yes, I was diagnosed with tuberculosis which was later found to be Multi-drug-resistant Tuberculosis.




After 15 surgeries including kidney cancer apart from the above mentioned Liver transplant and infections like MDR TB including pulmonary,lymph and bone.



I'm a goose,

With an irksome noose,

Round my neck,

Zinging the tatty track

With a woosh,

Volubly yet I say,

Wondrous abbreviated time,

Acrid stress,

The drag race,

‘live forever or die in the attempt’... says my selfish gene.”


This is what I wrote before my first cyber knife after my father's death. Worrying about my brain tumor he eventually got a heart attack which killed him. Could he have imagined I will face the same situation over and over again? 



I was diagnosed with leptomeningeal hemangioblastomas  after the cyber knife.

Between 1902 and 2013, approximately 132 cases have been recorded. 





Detecting and treating the condition of leptomeningeal hemangioblastoma without delay seems to help survival, though the number of patients analysed is small. The most common cause of death is respiratory failure due to pontomedullary or cervical cord compression.




After 2017 I also have a chronic ischemic brain. Cerebral ischemia or brain ischemia, and when there isn’t enough blood flow to the brain leading to limited oxygen supply it may lead to the death of brain tissue, or ischemic stroke.


The electrons can be made to strike a tungsten target within the head of the accelerator to create a beam of photons (or “X-rays”). These X-ray beams are then directed at the site of cancer. Photons have no charge or mass and can be regarded as small packets of energy. Photons deposit their energy along the entire path that they travel through the body. Therefore, a beam of X-rays irradiates not only the area of the tumour but also the healthy tissue that the beam encounters on its way towards the tumour and beyond the tumour. X-rays used for treating cancer usually do not stop within the body. X-rays travel right through you. On the other hand, proton beam therapy is delivered by larger, much more expensive accelerators called cyclotrons and synchrotrons.


A proton beam directed at a tumour travels in a straight trajectory towards its target, gives off most of its energy at a defined depth called the Bragg peak, and then stops. While X-rays often deposit more energy within the healthy tissues of the body than within the tumour.




Not to worsen the condition further, I sought the help of Dr Jalali






I  have no income. I write for Times of India digital without honorarium and my mother who is a pensioner draws barely enough pension to feed and clothe us, leave alone pay for my medical expenses. Friends donate who think I should live more and write more.

Currently I am suffering from a serious multiple brain tumors which has been reported globally from 1902-2013 only 132 cases and I am the first one in India. The small tumors floating around in the fluid used for cushioning the brain and spine tend to compress all the nerves that come their way. Hence the first nerve to be compressed was the optico-hypothalamic nerve which made me blind with right eye even after radiation therapy.




The next time it became bilateral trigeminal nerve. I got a cyberknife on 17/3/2020 but the left nerve is not done, hence it feels like someone is holding a bare electric cable against my cheeks or any part of the face. 




After this cyberknife I got a swallowing problem. The cranial nerves associated with the swallowing process are the trigeminal (V), facial (VII), glossopharyngeal (IX), vagus (X), accessory (XI) - usually not considered - and hypoglossal (XII). 


It should be emphasized that the structures involved in the swallowing process are pairs, both anatomically and/or functionally, due to the dual-side innervation. 


Anatomically unique, the tongue, palate, pharynx, and larynx are functional pairs, each side having independent innervation.




The mutation of the gene is confirmed in an AIIMS research.


There were multiple cysts in pancreas already. They blocked the exocrine functions ( enzymes) and for a couple of months I had to run to the bathroom after every meal. After Creon SD microgranules were prescribed my diarrhea feels better but you can confirm it is around Rs 3000 and lasts for only 3 days. 




Currently I can't stand for long, gait problems and electricity flows through the right leg. Also my bladder and bowel control is lost. All these can be to some extent treated with proton therapy and chemotherapy.


 Mum  at 68 years developed mild Covid because ofcollecting the deliveries of medicines or food kept in the bag hanging on the door. Perhaps some delivery men might be Covid positive and she collected stuff after an hour but aSARS-CoV-2 remained viable in aerosols throughout the duration of in experiments (3 hours), with a reduction in infectious titer from 103.5 to 102.7 TCID50 per litre of air. This reduction was similar to that observed with SARS-CoV-1, from 104.3 to 103.5 TCID50 per millilitre. 


Because from 18/3/2020 we are under voluntary isolation and just Mum collects the deliveries hanging on the bag outside the door after the person has gone for over an hour.




CT count or cyclic threshold is inversely proportional to the viral load..more than 30 considered very low infectivity..less than 20 high infectivity..20 - 30 moderate infection.


Said Dr. Ishita B Sen


Nuclear Medicine


Director & Head


Dr. Ishita B Sen is a Nuclear Medicine Physician She also treats Covid. Hence Ma had moderate Covid 19 and has fully recovered despite her age.


Because of an unfortunate event I developed Covid 19 


Doctors have also strongly suggested that solely relying on testing as a safeguard can make people 'lax' and take other safety measures, such as mask-wearing and social distancing lightly, which could be the two biggest factors which can spike up infections. Remember, the tests are a preventive measure and only effective, as long as you put in place other security measures.


Even though RT-PCR is the gold standard, we have known from Day 1 that there’s a 30 percent chance of it to be inaccurate. Moreover, when the testing kits are developed, the scientists pick up those parts of virus which are least prone to mutate, therefore this could be a reason behind the false-negatives.


 The second reason for this could be that the viral load in your body is so less that its not getting detected in the RT-PCR test, as per experts.


The sample collection, transportation as well as the overburden of the cases, wherein the labs are not able to complete the analysis of the sample, plays a major role in the quality of tests, Dr Mahajan explained.

Next, repeat your RT-PCR test in 2-3 days, and take advise of your doctor to get a CT scan, says Dr Ray.


Blood tests at times are a good marker of inflammation and they can also give you and your doctor an idea of what is going on in your body, in particular, the C-reactive protein and the D dimer. Both of them are said to be a good testing ground for understanding what is happening in your body.



D dimer and CRP but no antibody. Antigen couldn't be tested because it might hurt my throat. Bilateral trigeminal nerve, vagus, Hypoglossal, Glossopharyngeal, facial, auditory are all compressed by tumours.


The RT-PCR test was not done in my case because I have Trouble swallowing food and medicines, Here I'd like to state The cranial nerves associated with the swallowing process are the trigeminal (V), facial (VII), glossopharyngeal (IX), vagus (X), accessory (XI) - usually not considered - and hypoglossal (XII). 

Both Naso and Oropharyngeal samples collected. If have problem in nasopharyngeal then it can be done in Oropharyngeal sample only But Consult with your clinician first


Ur antibody level is low..which can occur 


1.early in disease


2.low viraemia 


3.immunocompromised state"


Said Dr. Ishita B Sen


Currently my oxygen levels dropped and an NGO( Jeevan Stambh Foundation) loaned me an oxygen concentrator. God bless them 🙏



 Doctors asked me to get the

C reactive protein 400

D-Dimer 1050

Liver and Kidney Panel 1500

Once again.


My sources of survival were taken


Sorrow, grief never awaken


In loneliness poverty solitude


When darkness intrude


My mantra made hope everyday renewed












Can contribute to the hospital account if fundraiser is a problem.

Wednesday, June 2, 2021

The truth. It is a beautiful and terrible thing, and must therefore be treated with great caution.

To the chief,


National Human Rights Commission of India
Government agency
 

Respected sir,


I have complained about my sister in law who physically hurt me no public servent. I am a rare genetic cancer patient with multiple brain tumors and pancreatic neuroendocrine tumours and I got Covid from Mansi Aggarwal. I am depending on my 68 yrs old mother and I am immunocompromised and disabled. Mansi Aggarwal is a film director and script writer. She said I should die right now and pushed me twice and I got Covid from her because she was not wearing a mask. 


My nerves controlling the respiratory system is compressed and my immune system turned off because of liver transplant. 


I want compensation because my oxygen levels dropping and after 15 surgeries I still have the right to live. Nobody can provoke me to suicide.


She said it in such awful way that I put up status on Facebook


 "If I die today within some time, nobody is responsible for that because my brother has to live and take care of my wondermum. I have chest pain and I am not feeling well.


I ought to die because I am a bad soul buden to all and I am going to take off audieu. 


15 surgeries and now the nerves blasted my existence. Pancreas. A rare genetic cancer patient has no right to live.

Long live Arindam Bhattacharjee Mansi Aggarwal  


Thanks for your tip that I ought to die now"


Dolly Sharma immediately called from Mahajan Imaging and saidyou are God's child and calmed me down.


Most doctors are concerned about the incident and even Dr Guleria is aware.

I have a rare multiple brain tumors and pancreatic neuroendocrine tumours and she had given an added burden of Covid.


If you think it's a Just act and I ought to die please close the door.

If you think after 15 surgeries writing without honorarium for Times of India digital just to spread awareness of rare disease and encouraging organ donation and motivate people who try to commit suicide because I never feared death. Once born you gotta die. I am not immortal but if you want me to die because of lack of money, a very trivial death. Please close the door.

If Mansi Aggarwal and my brother in the film industry are public servants I am sorry. They have the right to say that I die.

I am not in a good condition. And I need 40 lakhs for brain tumors treatment but it's better to die than be a burden to all. 

My life will end the pain. I don't have much time. I am prone to stroke due to cerebral ischemia and I will never recover from Covid which she gifted me. Only my mother who has cut off relationship because my brother is a disgrace to her as a son doting his wife and abandoning his ailing sister would suffer because she has taken care of me since I got cancer and 15 surgeries when I was 3 years old. I hope you will find a an old people home for her and take care of her. She's never going to live with my brother who runs after money because Mansi Aggarwal and her family is rich.

Thanks for closing the door and making sure that I die soon. I am popularly known as Warrior Princess and my TOI and personal blog is also called Warrior Princess but there are death's in a battlefield.

So thanks for showing the way but my mother has the right to live even if I don't. Please take care of her after my death. 


Mansi Aggarwal's compensation would save my life and she's living with this hope but I won't tell her that door is closed.

My mother's name is Banani Bhattacharjee 8800998048


Kindly put her in a good old age home where she can forget all her woes.










































With regards


Payel Bhattacharya