Moral bankruptcy of the society

I have elaborated on my battle with Trigeminal neuralgia in my previous posts.

A bolt of pain shot up the face,

Reached the farthest limit,

With disdain without grace,

Sneaking into the throat,

As quiet as a mouse,

Huddling behind the ear,

Pulsating in the mouth,

Strange tic,

Distorting face so quick, 

Drilling into teeth with eye swelling,

Making it tormented house,

 A distressful dwelling--

Attacks and hides

It's a race against time,

A gloomy struggle all-day,

As the predicament shook me to the core,

It's a dreadful dream, a nightmare,

That I battle every day and more...

The pain didn't let me chew food and my lab reports came such that Dr Ishit B Sen nuclear medicine, Director and Head; whom I call "Didi" affectionately said, 

“Try to eat something, your reports look like those of starving Ethiopian children!” 

So maybe now I have to get a dental visit to fix my teeth so that I can eat better because going to the dentist comes as a package deal with trigeminal neuralgia.

The nerves supplying our teeth are the same as those that transmit TN pain. The same nerve that's telling our brain there's piercing, electrical pain in the face is also the one that alerts us to a toothache.

I thought it's a simple tooth- and gum-related problem in the left side because I wasn't aware that I have bilateral trigeminal neuralgia. Tapping on a particular tooth will usually arouse pain in a dental problem. 

Well, my sob story is I returned home and got 105F fever because of my immunocompromisation and then I called doctors, all said I need immediate hospitalisation but Dr K K Handa was clever to realise that by the time I reach my treating hospital I will be serious and the fever needs to be brought down. He advised ice-bath and the fever was within limits so he prescribed few medicines for the night. Next day he saw me and treated me with antibiotics.

Pharmaceutical science has medications to control the pain without any invasive or non-invasive treatment.

I was initially put on medicine but it mostly didn’t contain the pain. I had fleeting jabbing pain which would fade away at the most in a few hours. Pulses of electricity travelled through my cheeks. The intensity of pain was increasing with every passing day.

I want to live up to my dreams and aspirations. I desire to become an established author.

Mum's eyes sparkled and a flicker of amusement played in her eyes,

 as I told her,  that I want to write a refreshing, sweet detective story series for all ages. 

I twiddled with the thought of who will be the main character. I lay on my back counting sheep with my left hand, the usual way I sought sleep while chanting my mantra. 

The door was partly ajar and a ray of light was coming through it. I could discern mum with too much excitement was running like a chicken with its head cut off. I  could immediately think of how mum had nourished my soul when my father's old ticker stopped and the greatest catastrophe ever happened because the sly villain was desperate for a welcome addition to their bank account.

I looked dazedly then jolted into coherence as an intense feeling washed over me. I remembered how mum brought hope when my life went topsy turvy, with her exceptionally precise type of mind she straightened and tidied all the mess of medical and other documents which father left. She neatly tagged everything and neatened up so that we could survive and my medical documents aren't missing and my treatment continues. Even now she goes pottering around the house cleaning and tidying every corner. She doesn't believe in living in a whirlwind of mess. She has a very good eye for little details. 

 

If anyone could arrange a series of apparently unrelated facts into a coherent picture it was Mum with her peculiar alertness. I decided I  would write a few escapades and she would be my heroine. 

Only she can bring the assassins to the justice of a mysterious death. She is good at ferreting out the facts in reality and she would do a jolly good job in the realms of imagination in my tales. She can stand against those with nerve, unmitigated gall who commit first-degree murder of someone's desires and dreams. She can bring in hope through her extraordinary feats by pulling out a  soul whose spirit and dreams have been killed.

After I wrote a come-to-the-battle sort of poetry "Warrior Princess" after which the flames began, the quest for knowledge...life became magical even in poverty, while facing medical embarrassments and the humiliation of asking for financial help, physical suffering which is always there money concerns for food, medicines and rent. I had stopped thinking about my diseases and in the uneasy days of life started to Live! Live the wonderful life that is in me! I felt that rare pulse of joy and was transfigured with joy. An ecstasy of happiness dominated me. I had also written for Sahitya Akademi with my painful Trigeminal neuralgia so I decided to play sidekick. 

After which I got letters of appreciation 

Since I am talking about 

 

Let's continue, as I started writing more characters came into my mind --Verma Sharma detective duo is the avatars of Thomson and Thompson, providing comic relief. Inspector Arin of the homicide department and so on. 

"The primary characters of the series and a few situations are drawn from the author's own life enhanced by imagination and the stories carry messages." 

I wrote six detective stories at the peak of my pain with one-eyed vision and the rarest brain tumours in the world...leptomeningeal hemangioblastomas ...between 1902 and 2013, approximately 132 cases were reported...Ga-DOTANOC PET-CT based SSTR imaging because VHL syndrome associated hemangioblastomas frequently express SSTR confirmed the true nature could be seen and the diagnosis. 

 

While I was typing the lines there was swelling in my eyes and the eyes feet on fire with tears streaming down. I felt pain at the back of my head and the ear and even the pinna. I remember taking painkillers after breakfast apart from the medicines I am on, but still, the pain remained. 

The agony of the soul as it shrieks in pain is indescribable at night. My mum used to stay awake with me trying to calm my pain. The pain was gone for a brief while and returned to torment me. 

In such a condition, I wrote two other books. 

And

Paperback editions of all books were published by

Zebra books, registered in my mother's name.

 My heart stopped jumping with joy, enjoying the elixir of life, and as I learned to shed tears of wicked pain hugging my mother at night when the soul screamed out with the agony and howling in pain. I hugged my mother and muttered and cried as pain then came through loud and clear.

I got support and kindness and the cyberknife for the right side-- the most painful side which happened and we returned in time just before the COVID19 lockdown. The nerve was shot with a high dosage of radiation to destroy it.

After returning I got an email from Monika Thakur stating "I appreciate your efforts put in to give to the society an interesting and captivating book 'The adventures of mum and princess' that people of all ages enjoy reading. I would highly recommend this book to the students of classes 8,9,10 in my institute 'Monika's Institute of English Language "...I was delighted, proud, excited.

Then it was lockdown, and Delhi and Noida border was sealed but classes weren't held. She denied taking the books.

 When I got a chance to write for Times of India Digital I Whatsapp her if she was still interested because I was working on my bio, I got a shock, stronger than trigeminal neuralgia.

"I have been running the institute in Noida and Indirapuram for last 10 years...By profession, i m a teacher and have taught English language in renowned Institutes of saharanpur and dehradun...I m also a certified IELTS  trainer from British Council..My qualification is M.A Eng, M.A economics, B.Ed and Diploma in creative writing .

Regards

Mrs.Monika Thakur

CMC2, 702,Supertech, Capetown, sector 74,Noida

9718805105"

This was there in her email. So how many books she's sold and I'm not getting anything, any money, royalty for my effort. She has stolen the intellectual property of a disabled person. She didn't even buy a copy but borrowed it from her neighbour, photocopied it and is earning from it. 

Someone approached her to say this is not the right thing to be done.

 She addressed me as..."That girl"...I also have sympathy for her… well, you are using 'That girl's' book as your syllabus and earning money. "That girl" doesn't need your sympathy---Sympathy is feeling sorrowful, pitiful about somebody's misfortune whereas Empathy is the ability to understand their feelings as if we were having that ourselves, facing the troubles ourselves. 

It's a trifling thing though but I didn't expect an English language school teacher would say" I have sympathy for the girl". I was surprised to hear that because all my life I tried to make people understand that.

The result of living in such a “polluted” social environment is alienation, a constant state of dissatisfaction and discomfort,  and the development of various coping mechanisms that attempt to make alienated life bearable.

One’s essential life activity becomes simply a means for life, a way of earning money so one can buy the necessities.

I'd like to quote from my book she stole--

 "Money” and “Power” are the root causes in every act of felony, every crime, every treachery committed since time immemorial. Money, gold, holds allure because it gives power, a lavish lifestyle and many are ready to harm a life for its powerful charisma. Money tempts most people to wrongdoing. Crime is as old as humanity. Thus, it is since ancient times that brothers are slaughtering brothers for the power of the throne and the wealth it brings along. Slaughtering, poisoning, strangling, asphyxiating, backstabbing, but achieving money and power and destroying every life in the way. Such is the queer nature of the human race. A son instead of being dutiful towards his parents desires the end of the ailing, helpless parents and shoves them out of the way, a raving egomaniac parent drunk with the influence of wealth, affluence, power withholds what the offspring truly deserves, thus strangling the life out bit by bit.

Yesterday, I noticed the book is being sold on Google books. I wrote to Google and they said they got the manuscript from third-party Bower.com. Now we need to get to the bottom of this howdunit? Nobody should take advantage of the Warrior Princess.

Everyone will read and forget it's unfair and shrewdly omit to hear, see or understand the actual fact or the factual act.