Freedom and independence

Complete freedom is abstract, existing only in the mind. On 15 August 1947, the first Prime Minister of India, Jawaharlal Nehru raised the Indian national flag above the Lahori Gate of the Red Fort in Delhi. Politicians and pedagogues hailed the intellectual speech as a declaration of independence. 

Meanwhile, seventy- three years have passed, the country and the country-men, faced peril several times in many ways jeopardizing their rights to existence.

On the one hand, there are scientific achievements Mangalyaan and

Chandrayaan.  

Women have triumphed over many fields-- from setting a medical example to a lawyer with principles, being a pilot to being a cab-driver; females have conquered plenty of fields, on the other hand, there are still enormous gaps in thoughts, prejudices and discriminations exist.

In our everyday lives, we say "Motherland". To defend the honour of our Motherland we lay down our lives at the border against the enemy.

 Feminine energy is the spirit of the universe. Creating all matter and consciousness, the eternal and infinite, the metaphysical and reality, the soul, of everything.

It pains me to set down the inconvenient and blushful facts. We should have evolved with education from patriarchal ways of the past. 

Women symbolize national honour, thus any act that defiles and violates women’s bodies becomes a political weapon. The one nationwide uproar, the ebb and flow of decisiveness and aggression happened once but who cares about a woman walking her dog during the pandemic in a side lane where there were hyenas waiting in a car for her arrival to jump her. She was lucky enough to run back to the community. There is no doubt safety in many forms is lacking in our lives.

Women play many roles in her lifetime from daughterhood to motherhood many bonds bind a woman with her relations but it's trifle disturbing that everyone isn't plucky against the savagery. But many of them are exploited after marriage. Their potentials and qualities are scarcely recognised.

Government of the people by the people for the people does not treat people equally.

 I came across a news article titled " Should State pay for treatment of rare diseases?"

Which speaks about should the government pay for the treatment of rare diseases? Well, I spoke to the advocate mentioned in the news article. She said she is appointed by the court to help the court decide this matter. 

According to her in absence of government policy, the court has stepped in to provide treatment to only lysosomal storage disorder patients. She explained how the law has developed, and the rare diseases are handled in court so far are only lysosomal storage disorders.

The government can procure medicines but not where there is a need for surgery or advanced technology to deal with a disease. Who is to pay for it?

   I muse, why so? Is that because someone related to the government has those conditions? Why not? 

Private hospitals are like service provider units just like shops where operation, consultation, and treatment are the commodity. They run their own business by servicing your body parts.

The name of my disease sounds euphoric and when you start explaining it resembles deadly babble where the prognosis is like a psychic scream. The oddity of my lingering illness is it's larger economic implications unless you are filthy rich. 

According to my experience government hospitals are breeding-ground for germs, bacteria and viruses and being immunocompromised, seeking treatment in government hospitals is welcoming a death sentence. 

Moreover, the treatment usually involves surgery to remove the tumours before they become harmful. Certain tumours can be treated with focused high-dose irradiation. Individuals with VHL and organ transplant need careful monitoring by a physician familiar with the disorder to control the plethora of illnesses that organ transplants and VHL affliction brings. I can't leave the doctors familiar with my case.

All which is needed to lengthen the period and quality of life is a good doctor who is thinking about your health and happiness and not treating you like a guinea pig and not working for his own good and fame. I got the opportunity to choose between good and better doctors four times in my life. VHL being a genetic form of cancer patients need to battle a series of tumours throughout their life. But I have known patients who couldn't face it after two surgeries. Businessmen with family support have survived but I have survived only with my mother's mettle and might. Few friends and well-wishers come but,

Prettify, nor falsify no one,
They are but for a season,
Gathered to escort the lost one,
By way of cosmic expression.

I have shucked off the label of “victim” and acquired the title of “warrior princess” and while I strolled down the street of life as each year unfolded I realised we have been given just one life, one existence and it's the way you live your life that makes you remembered. I don't know if there is an afterlife, but if there is I'd love to be born again until then it's a myth and will walk this life till the end of my time and craft out a story about my existence that will last.

But all I have to say is that everyone is not born warrior or fearless to weather the storm. Many times I come across people how I faced so many surgeries or how I accept it, I feel do I have any choice? I think that I experienced horrors that would give most people nightmares for life but the thing is if you face serious issues from a younger age you don't cringe inside or give up on life. The older you get without ever having a real problem you don't know how to handle it. Starting early gives you a perspective if you don't die first.

Life is a game of chance;

Granted once;

Grow and live vibrantly not in a trance,

Soul dance​,

Immense will billow like a towering tsunami;

Summon up the courage to live life once.

The society with its decayed discriminations and meanness of spirit should change its thoughts and attitudes,  improve it, set it right where it was wrong. The theme of the doctor’s bill should inevitably change.

The meanest, greediest, cruellest, lustful understand only their own troubles and see their own perspectives. Everywhere there's some chaos and uproar but everyone is leading a filthy life never cleaning up the dust settling in layers.  With a few dead trees surrounding their lives, every single person seems to be the mirror image of the other, living in a mixture of the garbage but calling themselves aficionados of life. I ask you, My Lord, what do they perceive life is? I think for life and lust are synonymous.

Progress is a matter of intent and foresight, if everyone is granted their rights, and treated equally then will come true freedom and independence.

Understanding the science behind rare brain tumour – leptomeningeal hemangioblastomas

 Brain tumours grow within a rigid, firm bony skull. Benign, slowly growing or malignant brain tumours may produce serious neurological symptoms and signs prior to treatment or cure. Although brain tumours rarely metastasize outside the central nervous system (CNS), disability and death occur with brain tumours when the intracranial contents exceed the intracranial space, causing herniation and compression of respiratory centres.

Fewer than 5% of patients with brain tumours have a predisposing genetic syndrome. The most common of these are von Recklinghausen's types I and II neurofibromatosis, tuberous sclerosis, von Hippel-Lindau disease, and the epidermal nevus syndrome. These dominantly inherited neurocutaneous syndromes are associated with an increased incidence of specific tumours.

There are more than 120 types of tumours of the CNS.

Neuroepithelial tumours are the most common and feared tumours of adult life and occur most frequently as astrocytoma, oligodendroglioma, and ependymoma.

Leptomeningeal hemangioblastomas are perhaps the rarest sort.

What is a hemangioblastoma?

Hemangioblastomas (HBs) of the central nervous system (CNS) are histologically benign, slow-growing tumours, which may occur as sporadic lesions or in association with von Hippel­Lindau (VHL) disease.

What is von Hippel-Lindau or VHL?

von Hippel Lindau is a very rare disease. 

von Hippel-Lindau or VHL which is a genetic defect that causes capillary growth to go out of control. While the tiniest blood vessels or capillaries usually branch out gracefully like trees, in VHL patients a little knot of extra capillaries forms a growth or tumour and in certain cases, it turns cancerous. It is a genetic form of cancer VHL patients battle a series of tumours throughout their life. 

VHL may occur in up to 10 organs of the body like liver, kidney, brain, spinal cord or retina, inner ear, pancreas, pheochromocytoma, paraganglioma can also happen.

What is the leptomeninges?

Meninges are the three membranous envelopes—pia mater, arachnoid, and dura mater, that surround the brain and spinal cord. Cerebrospinal fluid fills the ventricles of the brain and the space between the pia mater and the arachnoid. The primary function of the meninges and of the cerebrospinal fluid is to protect the central nervous system.

The two innermost layers of tissue, arachnoid mater and pia mater that cover the brain and spinal cord are together called the leptomeninges.

Leptomeningeal dissemination of Hemangioblastomas

Hemangioblastomas of the CNS are solid or cystic vascular-rich tumours, most common in the cerebellum, less frequent in the brainstem or spinal cord and rare in supratentorial locations with meningeal involvement. 

Bakshi et al3 described a 55-year-old patient with disseminated intradural masses involving almost the entire spinal cord on magnetic resonance imaging. They reported both extramedullary intradural tumour with numerous leptomeningeal nodules and microscopic infiltration of the spinal cord and coined the term leptomeningeal hemangioblastomatosis to define this condition.

Hemangioblastomas of the central nervous system are the most common tumours seen in patients with von Hippel-Lindau (VHL) disease.

Leptomeningeal dissemination of hemangioblastomas (HB) of the central nervous system (CNS) is extremely rare. Between 1902 and 2013, approximately 132 cases were reported. Few studies have reported leptomeningeal involvement in sporadic HB or in HB associated with von Hippel­Lindau syndrome.

Diffuse infiltration of the leptomeninges is known as hemangioblastomatosis and has been observed both in VHL disease and in patients with spontaneous mutations. 

Treatment

Detecting and treating the condition of leptomeningeal hemangioblastoma without delay seems to help survival, though the number of patients analysed is small. Patients may have other underlying health issues which may affect the data.

Because no case of de novo development of disseminated HB without previous surgery has been reported, it is strongly suggested that the spillage and spread of tumour cells through the CSF space may be an origin of hemangioblastomatosis in patients with a genetic predisposition to the condition, Care should be taken to avoid tumour cell spillage during surgery.

Prior to surgery of the initial tumour, planned embolization should be undertaken if possible to reduce blood loss. However, depending on the actual tumour structure embolization may be found not to be possible. Reducing blood loss may also help in reducing tumour cell spillage and spread.

 Looking at tumour cells in the spinal fluid under high-resolution MRI scans are all that is necessary for an accurate diagnosis.

When another mass was illegally cultivated on top of the kidney, a Ga-DOTANOC PET-CT based SSTR imaging because VHL syndrome associated hemangioblastomas frequently express SSTR confirmed that the floating lights in the patient's brain are hemangioblastomas. With this, the true nature could be seen and the diagnosis was confirmed.

A biopsy isn't required for diagnosis as it may cause meningitis and blood loss thereby cell spillage. 

My experience with leptomeningeal hemangioblastomas for 7 years? 

I was diagnosed with supranational leptomeningeal hemangioblastomas in 2013. I have been seeking anyone experiencing the same condition but didn't find anyone till now.

A fellow remarked after he saw the picture of the scan of my brain tumours

" you have more tumours in the brain than people have lice in hair.''

There is no data on the competence of the surgeons and equipment used in the initial CNS surgery so trying to determine if cell spread was caused by any incompetence during my brain surgery (craniotomy) in 2006 would be extremely difficult if not impossible to prove beyond a reasonable doubt. The fact that the physiology of each tumour is different and the number of cases is so small means that an accurate comparison of surgeons is impossible. 

These tumours are extremely vascular. A biopsy would make them bleed resulting in a stroke. After my first brain tumour surgery, done in 2006 I woke up with paralysis on the left side. After the craniotomy ( open brain surgery) I experienced total numbness in my arms and hands and I couldn't close my fingers and make a fist. But this was sorted out by proper physiotherapy and exercise and I got back the control of my limbs but even now I don't have sensations in my fingertips.

I get stereotactic radio-surgery before the growing tumours start putting pressure on the brain and become symptomatic. I have lost vision of my right eye for not being able to avail radiation therapy at the right time because of financial reasons and also because  I was diagnosed with an RCC ( kidney cancer) at the same time. 

Advanced radiation techniques, such as radiosurgery, are more effective than conventionally fractionated radiotherapy, but it is difficult to perform high-dose radiation therapy or radiosurgery for numerous lesions scattered throughout the brain. 

Radiosurgery appears to be safe and has prevented local recurrences in my case, with fewer sessions than conventional radiation which caused white matter changes representing chronic ischemic changes. I couldn't afford a cyberknife and underwent conventional radiation therapy in 2017 after which this happened. 

Sometimes tumours treated with radiation, on follow-up MRI imaging scans, appear stable without evidence of growth even mildly shrinking every time. 

LMD

Unexplored safe technology.

It is a new exciting technology which may help people trying to minimise collateral damage which with radiation treatments has always been the challenge. 

The precision of proton therapy can be critical for protecting the brain’s delicate tissues.

Proton therapy can limit the amount of normal brain tissue receiving radiation. That reduces the effects on important functions, such as vision and hearing.

Proton radiation may be less likely to damage nearby organs, such as the heart and lungs while treating areas around the spinal cord. This technique is safe and potentially effective.

Often, people with these recurrent tumours have received significant radiation doses in the past to important parts of the brain. These may include optic nerves, which are critical to vision, and the brainstem, which regulates many essential body functions, such as breathing, heart rate, and swallowing. 

To treat more people with proton therapy is by making the technology even more accessible. Currently, this technology is available only in Apollo Chennai and expensive enough to cost an arm and leg.

If only, governments or some trust or Institute sponsors the high cost of my treatment. I could have a better and longer life and my quality of life would be better. 

References

• Hemangioblastomas with leptomeningeal dissemination: case series and review of the literature in journal Acta Neurochirurgica.

• Supratentorial leptomeningeal hemangioblastoma resection after preoperative embolization Lee, Ching-Yi, Chen, Shiu-JauLanguage: English Journal: Formosan Journal of Surgery.

• Journal of Korean Medical Science, article Arch Pathol Lab Med--Vol 132, January 2008- Intradural Extramedullary Leptomeningeal Hemangioblastomatosis and Paraneoplastic Limbic Encephalitis Diagnosed at Autopsy

• Journal Neuropathology -A report of supratentorial leptomeningeal hemangioblastoma and a literature review 

• Power and Precision: Proton Therapy Can Target Brain and Spine Tumors with Fewer Side Effects

Book lovers day : How books influenced me in different stages of my life

 All I can say is that I was born with a book in my hand. Reading was not only my passtime, but it was also my passion, my obsession and fodder for my active mind. Books stimulated my brain switching on the thinking process and the reasoning and led me to the peak of happiness.

I started with Enid Blyton and enjoyed her Famous five and Secret Seven series, also the wonderful magical adventures of Wishing chair, Faraway tree, Mr Pink-whistle's party which enhanced my vivid imagination to a brilliant and powerful one. Albeit damn interesting, books helped me pick up some confidence and optimism and admire the forces of nature, rain or sunshine, wind or quietude.

As I grew up in my aloneness books became my only companion. I spent a good deal of time in bookshops turning over the pages of books I used to think if only my life were a thousand years long I could read all these books. Two bookshops became my regular haunting place to which I went for an evening walk and returned loaded with wrapped up books. 

By this time I had read all Agatha Christie. Michael Crichton and Arthur.C.Clarke books I was reading as many books as  I could lay my hands on. I fell in love with their novels so much so that an idea lurked in my mind that one day I will be an author. After reading "Wheelers" by mathematician Ian Stewart and biologist Jack Cohen, I told my father " I am going to be an author." He took the book I was holding and looked at me happily. "Okay finish your studies and keep reading books. I will be the happiest person to find a publisher for your books", he gave me a frank smile that strengthened my confidence. While reading "The Name of the Rose" by Umberto Eco I discovered Philip.K.Dick and Neil Gaiman. I'd like to see shelves with books rather than furniture in my room. When Philip K Dick entered my life I had odd sensations, fidgety and nervous but didn't understand my feelings. I had odd nightmares but told my mother that aliens are trying to get in touch with me so just keep everything shush! I could hear things which others couldn't and see stuff which nobody did! I asked my mother to be sure of that and was convinced either I could see ghosts and hear them or aliens are trying to get in touch with me. I was happy with the thought.

After some time elapsed my mother saw me getting violent partial seizures while in sleep, she called my father and both tried to hold down my body getting spasms but the force with which it was happening they couldn't. After I woke up I didn't remember what happened to me at night. For this brain tumour, father ran across India looking for a suitable doctor. After fifteen days of admission,  when the doctor saw I was reading "Minority Report " in the hospital bed he denied doing the surgery but I was told these very words “Come at the last moment when the tumour grows to the size of a Deus ball” it was also added that there was a chance of getting paralyzed for life.

My father sought out a tiny nursing home in Kolkata with minimum facilities where ultimately the surgery of the tumour was done in 2006. After the craniotomy ( open brain surgery) These tumours are extremely vascular. A biopsy would make them bleed resulting in a stroke. I woke up with paralysis on the left side. After the craniotomy ( open brain surgery) I experienced total numbness in my arms and hands and I couldn't close my fingers and make a fist. But this was sorted out by proper physiotherapy and exercise and I got back the control of my limbs but even now I don't have sensations in my fingertips. Currently, I am suffering the consequences as Leptomeningeal dissemination of hemangioblastomas (HB) of the central nervous system (CNS) is extremely rare. Between 1902 and 2013, approximately 132 cases were reported. Without previous surgery such cases haven't been reported, it is due to spillage and spread of tumour cells through the cerebrospinal fluid(CSF) space in patients with a genetic predisposition to the condition. I made up my mind to keep myself well-informed so that I don't get into such situations.

Well, certain things are just fated, and I had a liver transplant but I had the ability to overcome it and the subsequent viral infection which was supposed to be fatal for me. But life offered a few moments of bliss, and happiness then. I read up " One Flew over the cuckoo's nest" and finished the Ring trilogy by Koji Suzuki. 

When my tough times began after my father perished books kept me away from the feeling of irritation and provided courage and strength. I read, "The Shadow of the Wind" but "The Lovely Bones" put my spirits down. I thought I'd better not read Isaac Bashevis Singer, Albert Camus or Jorge Luis Borges. Times change and when things get better I shall read those. I started with " Wise Guy", Jack Reacher novels when I discovered a marvellous thriller "Killer inside me".

Then I had a cyberknife. It was a time which had a lasting effect on my life. I had sudden brain fog, short-term memory loss and I became cranky. I wrote my poems and read and primarily stuck with crime thrillers. I possess a lot of unobtainable books and I am glad my father and brother always gifted me books.

I discovered "A Kiss before dying" by Ira Levin. After I finished the book I was sorry I had finished it so soon. I developed abililiophobia, a critical condition. The book reminded me of the Bollywood movie "Bazigar" but as we know books are always better than films. I made up my mind if my brain permits me to be an author I will write an entirely different book like no one has ever read before or can correlate to.

But then again, I was in dire straits as the landlord presented me with a court notice on my birthday as I was diagnosed with kidney cancer and optic nerve tumour but by a twist of fate I got cancer surgery but optic nerve radiation therapy was late making me blind with the right eye and left with mum within the stipulated time given by the court. 

While reading my favourite Mark Twain short stories and" Letters from the Earth" re-reading "Three men in a boat", " Dracula" I read Shirley Jackson's books.

I made up my mind after completing Roald Dahl that I'd write a ghost story someday. 

One sunny morning, sitting with a cup of coffee after the 2017 radiation therapy I made up my mind to write unique detective stories. I created unique characters drawn from my life and wrote about Mum with an unexpectedly brilliant and problem-solving mind enjoying the guise of a harmless little lady with a remarkable facility for observation and notation of the trivia which often leads her to solve impossible cases. Her daughter Princess is very ill but doesn’t spend time brooding over it. With her anxious searching gaze and flashing her brilliant determined smile twiddling with various theories, she helps Mum solve mysteries introducing Verma Sharma detective duo as comic relief and Arin as an inspector in the homicide department who takes the help of Mum for puzzling cases. Even Dr Ishita liked the stories.

Next time I thought of writing a paranormal story of a gifted child. She has an unusual ability. The power to see those spirits wandering on the margins of the world. The fabled sprites come to meet her, to play with her but this amazing ability makes her different. It doesn’t let her blend in with normal people. One day a vengeful spirit visits her and tells his story. The ghost was on a desperate quest of a murderous assassin to stop a crime against humanity when he fell into their trap and got killed. He seeks help from her to avenge his killers. But how did Mina go missing? The story is in the diary. It is a medley of ghost story and spy-thriller like never been written before.

But my disease is an albatross around my neck and I developed severe lancinating pain of bilateral trigeminal neuralgia and it felt like holding a live cable against my eye, cheeks, teeth. I got a cyberknife of right side but the left side is pending. I have several problems after the cyberknife but no way to get an MRI or follow up with the doctor. Hence, I'm again with my beloved pals. Reading and writing help to improve memory and get a good night's sleep. The entertainment part is an important part along with boosting courage. I have taken names of just a few of the books I have read, I have missed a lot of gems like Kazuo Ishiguro, P.G.Wodehouse, Keigo Higashino, Kanae Minato, Stieg Larsson and the classics which are a vital part of our lives.

Floccinaucinihilipilification

 

The most striking disclosure among the world of people is that we are connected. According to neuroscience, our brain is designed to make us sociable. The neural bridge lets us affect the brain and body of everyone we interact with and vice versa. The more strongly connected we are with someone emotionally the greater is the mutual fondness. Our most vital conversations occur with those people with whom we spend the greatest amount of time, day in and day out and those who care about us the most.

The result of the neural linkups has profound outcomes that vibrate through the core regulating our immune system and triggering the flight or fight hormone. Thus my childhood relations with cousins, school friends and family members had both favourable and unfavourable impacts on my life.

When I grew up I learnt that people who "used to be close to you...who had meals in your house, stayed over with you, enjoyed every celebration with you, travelled to the mountains with you"… gladly walk away when they see you in danger, they don't care if you live or die.

When I make a trip down the memory lane I wonder if humans have a mind to act hand-in-hand, to help others even when it requires their efforts? Or are they, in their very hearts, selfish creatures?

 I think for them life and lust are synonymous. Everyone has a similar hobby, that of collecting money. Even kinship and friendship can be pitted against the desire for large sums of money.

Money under most circumstances can't buy peace and happiness for you. Your Creator will provide just as much as you need for your own personal sustenance because that is what you deserve, asking for more is being greedy and is a punishable offence. We find everyone running after fame, prosperity, wealth and power which results in daily indigestion and therefore they have built-in gyms in their premises to work out, not just to build eight-pack abs by shedding out the extra fat but to get rid of menacing indigestion and get a peaceful night's sleep which seems to elude them always. You become a runner with extra fizz or a singer with a melodious voice without realising the timeless melody of life. There are a range of emotional traffic from sadness, anxiety to extreme joy. Mother's smile is a contagion and acts as a way to uplift the sport.

Neuroplasticity reshapes the brain with repeated experience with various relationships with the effect of either being chronically hurt or chronically angered or emotionally nourished. 

From the time we are infants, we are equipped with the survival instincts necessary to respond with fear when we sense danger or feel unsafe. But sometimes people facing constant challenges develop boldness boosted by the nourishing relations which can also buffer us from diseases. The vital nourishing relation in my life has been my mother. Mum had been exploited and overburdened by her in-laws, yet she had taken care of me and suffered herself as her own kith and kin turned their backs on her.  She had never known soundness, only struggle. With age, she too is getting tired and irritable tackling all the work single-handedly. She needs to be taken care of. She is my caregiver and she taught me to walk boldly through the terra incognita.  As you learn to control life it becomes joyful.

A Warrior Princess I am, 

I wage wars with head held high, 

A warrior, never afraid of wounds, 

A Warrior dies dancing that’s who I am.

 

Trudging hills never trodden by, 

Propelled into uncertain territory, 

Soul deeply wounded by black melancholy, 

Never stooping to fear or sentimentality, 

Chasing desires, not waiting for fate to show mercy;

Flowing forth with random delight in stark reality,

Gloom of doom come what may;

Banished all worries, doubts, 

I moved onward in the track valiantly, 

Imploding yet ebullient in a spree, 

Compounded difficulties, hiemal cold manner can’t faze me,

Benign friends express fervency.

Content with mysterious, meaningless, contradictory, hostile, 

Unexplainably warm and giving,

Fearfully enclosed minds,

I hurtled the absolute randomness, 

On the verge of uncertainty. 

 Proffered relations, friends, unfailing support,

 Bravado, mercy, pity, arrogance,

A loner rushed forth in the path of life.

Halt! Patience!

I hear people cry,

But I'm at a point of no return. 

 

I’m brave, I rave,

Grave only when repressed,

Crammed with memory, hoarding much,

Endured much, weary of wounds,

Feelings which built up in the War,

Hardened and died inside,

Soul searcher I am,

Reality seems absurdity,

Kind, affectionate friends,

Elevate me, eke out positivity. 

 

I still dare to change the things I can,

I resuscitate ceaselessly,

I wage wars with verve

In a point of no return

Yes, a Warrior Princess I am.

Wild bouts upended direction, 

Infallible friends formed my legion, 

Marched with me without regression, 

Flew fearless without reason, 

Melancholy replaced by undying optimism,

Turned to memory,

Worries banished, never looked back in history. 

 

 I welcome change with open arms,

Grow and live vibrantly not in a trance,

Soul dance,

Immense will billow like a towering tsunami;

Summon up the courage to live life once,

Regression dishonor efforts and makes them undone,

Thus I move on with fluency.

 

I hurtle the chaotic reality in Mum's glorious presence,

I resuscitate ceaselessly,

Wage wars from a point of no return.

A Warrior Princess, I am.”

There are few people who are born good, instinctively concerned with the welfare of others and they have realised my sufferings and struggles. I am blessed with a few true friends in India and across the world who encourage and help me. 

A friend is sweet when it's new,

 Sweetest when it's true.

Many thought that by helping a destitute they will use me as their portable step ladder to fame.

Prettify, nor falsify no one,

They are but for a season,

Gathered to escort the lost one,

By way of cosmic expression,

Collective train of thought mitigates privation.

 

Here comes the season

Of faces blurring and fading away

Like a dream, in illusion.

There are also a few doctors who cheer me, while some say they are proud of me others help me out with paying hospital bills or others who are very close listen to me and attend my Whatsapp messages every day. These interactions help me get along better with life. 

These actions are like grasping hands when pain and distress are tearing my soul apart and assuring that the whole world is so beautiful and smiling with me beckoning me to jump up and go watch the sun-kissed world and a spontaneous force pulls strings from within and I find my wounds healed.

 My brother's concern too helps lessen my pain and the daily struggle, his sudden bursts of positivity.

Life is a game of chance;

Granted once;

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! 

Life is so beautiful and precious!

I was dumbfounded to find social chameleons in my life, it was pathetic and ruthless, meanest, greediest, cruellest, backstabbing act knowing in the heights of my lancinating pain and how with my brain riddled with tumours I produced the intellectual property and taking the opportunity of the deathly silence of the pandemic earning their livelihood. I expect everything, the unexpected never happens, printing and training have become a game. " Love thy neighbour as thyself, help them with thy soul and thy mind"  is the eternal saying but days have changed. People with shabby ethics want to swamp a struggling differently-abled patient suffering continuous surgeries from her ailments but they have chosen the wrong soul war which began surely by stepping on the edge, in ‘extremis’ still continues.

Her cogs and circuits malfunctioned

She fought the war unlamented

She faces life uncomplaining, contented

A very long time ago, a lifetime before the present

A dragon came to blaze up her life, push her to perdition

She traversed Via Dolorosa holding tight

Inspired by glorious Mum's might

She fought the demon with Mum’s inspiration

With congested brain but plenty of imagination

Faced the momentous occasion

Putting her faith on Divine Providence

God's intervention

Even in unthinkable pain

She does not complain

All is but floccinaucinihilipilification

She smiles in jubilation.

Sketch by me